Poisonous Pride

When David slew Goliath, Saul, the king of the Israelites, was initially thrilled. After all, David had just saved Saul’s kingdom. Saul rewarded David. He put him in charge of some of his armies, and David continued to have success. But whatever good feelings there were Saul and David were about to take a deplorable turn. Those initial good feelings Saul had for David were changed by … of all things … a song.

Let’s imagine things from Saul’s perspective:

When the king and David returned to Israel from battle, the women of Israel gathered to greet them. Saul no doubt enjoyed this. Then they began to sing a song, “Saul hath slain his thousands” (1 King 18:7) … Saul was probably thinking, “Ye-ah, they are recognizing me for the great warrior I am.” And … then … the women sing “and David his ten thousands.” (1 Kings 18:7) And it is on that little song: “Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands” (1 Kings 18:7) that the relationship between Saul and David changes.

We read: “And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom?

“And Saul eyed David from that day and forward” (1 Kings 18:8-9).

What caused Saul to change his perspective on David? David did nothing wrong, yet Saul now envied him. Saul’s envy was a direct result of Saul’s pride. He couldn’t stand to share the spotlight. And Saul began to worry that David’s popularity was undermining Saul’s position as king. The venom of envy and pride flowed quickly through Saul’s veins and sunk deep into his heart. Just one day after the women of Israel sang the song that created such jealousy in Saul’s heart—jealousy began controlling Saul. Saul tried to kill David by throwing a javelin at him. He missed twice. These misses had an effect on Saul, as we read: “And Saul was afraid of David, because the LORD was with him, and was departed from Saul” (1 Kings 18:12). Saul wisely realizes that Lord is with David, and the Lord is not with Saul. What would be a good thing for Saul to do here? Should he either (A) repent and come unto Christ and be reconciled with God so that God is with him, as God is with David, or (B) Should Saul continue to try to kill the innocent David; and, in so doing, allow his pride and envy rule his actions?

Saul chose to keep trying to kill David.

In his famous talk on pride, President Ezra Taft Benson gives Saul a dubious distinction—a mention as one in the scriptures who fell because of his pride. Said President Benson: “Saul became an enemy to David through pride. He was jealous because the crowds of Israelite women were singing that “Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” ( 1 Sam. 18:6–8.).”

President Benson then lists the characteristics of the proud:

“The proud stand more in fear of men’s judgment than of God’s judgment. (See D&C 3:6–7; D&C 30:1–2; D&C 60:2.) “What will men think of me?” weighs heavier than “What will God think of me?”

“Fear of men’s judgment manifests itself in competition for men’s approval. The proud love “the praise of men more than the praise of God.” ( John 12:42–43.)

Well, that description fits Saul. Looking at his history, we see he did fear men’s judgment more than God’s. That problem was shown in the battle against the Amalekites, when Saul didn’t, as the Lord commanded had commanded him, destroy everything the Amalekites had. Instead, Saul, at the request of his soldiers, saved some sheep to sacrifice. Later, Saul told Samuel: “I have sinned: for I have transgressed the commandment of the LORD, and thy words: because I feared the people, and obeyed their voice” (1 Samuel 15:24).

We are now viewing Saul some years later after Saul’s misstep with the Amalekites. Remember President Benson has told us: “Fear of men’s judgment manifests itself in competition for men’s approval.” Here, Saul is still living for the praise of men. There are three things I find interesting about Saul’s jealous attempts to kill David over the lyrics of song.

First, Saul had been praised in that song! The song wasn’t putting him down; it was complimenting him. But what made Saul particularly angrily was this: David received the prominent praise. Ultimately, Saul coveted the praise David had received. Saul took David’s success as a personal affront and believed the praise David received somehow insulted him.

Second, the song didn’t mention—at all—another great Israelite warrior, Jonathan, Saul’s son. Did this depress Jonathan or make him feel jealous of David? No. Should Jonathan have been worried that it might be David, instead of Jonathan, who would day be the king of the Israelites? It doesn’t appear that he was. Instead of focusing on power and glory, Jonathan was first concerned with the well-being of his friend. In fact, Jonathan was David’s best friend. We are told: “the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Kings 18:1).

Finally, Saul’s pride caused him to turn a friend into a foe. David was his loyal subject, not his enemy. But so great was Saul’s pride that he mistook David as a rival. What Saul is displaying here is enmity. And, in a story, which focuses on the great friendship and loyalty that existed between David and Jonathan, it is appropriate that the antagonist Saul prevents himself from joining in that brotherhood because of his pride and the enmity he feels toward David. President Benson said, “The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us. Pride is essentially competitive in nature.” To me, enmity describes the act of creating barriers to exalt ourselves above our neighbor. Enmity is the selfish pursuit of positions, possessions and praise that we then use to say, “Look, who I am! Look what I have! I am better than my neighbor.” This attitude is a violation of the second great commandment: “To love thy neighbor as thyself” (Matthew 22:39).

Enmity strikes at brotherhood; it destroys friendships. When friends compete against each other rather than try and help each other, those friends reap only bitterness and dissatisfaction. What a sad think it is, when friends make adversaries of each other.

Said President Benson: “The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C. S. Lewis: “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.)

Said Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: “Who is it that whispers so subtly in our ear that a gift given to another somehow diminishes the blessings we have received? Who makes us feel that if God is smiling on another, then He surely must somehow be frowning on us? You and I both know who does this—it is the father of all lies.” The tendency to feel threatened by another’s success or to covet another’s blessings or talents is a device employed by Satan to make us feel uneasy about ourselves. Likewise, Satan tries to get us to focus on what is wrong in others—attempting to make us feel superior to them. Both tendencies—the tendency to feel dismayed over another’s success and the tendency to feel superior over another’s failures—are born of enmity. Self-exaltation is not in the gospel plan. But it was in the plan of Satan, who sought exalt himself above God. The gospel plan is not for us to race against each other, but to finish with each other. The gospel plan would have us focus on our fellow being’s needs, not his flaws. The gospel plan would have us be others-minded rather than self-focused.

Perhaps the best example in the scriptures of what happens when we begin competing with our neighbor comes from the Zoramites. The Zoramites had split off from a church and founded a new church. The central act of worshiping in this new church was for the wealthy members of the Zoramite city to climb a high tower called the Rameumpton—and note that the climbing of this high tower is representative of the Zoramites’ exalting themselves. And once on top of this Rameumpton, they offered up a proud with a loud voice—the central theme of this prayer was this: We are so much better than those Nephites who believe in Christ! So here they were, standing on the top of this tower of self-exaltation, yelling about how superior they were and how fortunate they were to be separated from their brethren (Alma 31). Later, Alma would tell his Shiblon, one of his companions on this mission: “Do not pray as the Zoramites do, for ye have seen that they pray to be heard of men, and to be praised for their wisdom” (Alma 38:13).
“Yea, and [Alma] also saw that their hearts were lifted up unto great boasting, in their pride” (Alma 31: 25).

Boasting wasn’t the Zoramites’ greatest sin. They had become so obsessed with their pursuit of wealth and praise that they looked down on the poor of their city. The Zoramites cast the poor out of the churches because the wealthy Zoramites were embarrassed that the poor dressed like they were … poor.

To me, the Zoramites represent snobbery. Listen to their types of snobbery and see if we don’t have these problems today: First, they were guilty of fashion snobbery: The unfashionable were not welcome in their society. Second: they were guilty of intellectual snobbery: The Zoramites looked down on those who believed in Christ, and thought the Church members only believed what they did because they were too dumb and too stupid to address religious matters intellectually. Finally, the Zoramites were guilty of class snobbery: Because they had more than the poor, the wealthy Zoramites believed themselves to be superior. Snobbery is enmity. The Zoramites were so busy competing against the poor in their city that they began to resent them and hate them and cast them out—much in the same way Saul treated David.

Certainly, there are all kinds of snobbery, all sorts of reasons why people exalt themselves in their own eyes. President Benson said, "Some prideful people are not so concerned as to whether their wages meet their needs as they are that their wages are more than someone else's." Most people find some reason to feel superior. "I'm better than you because I can bench press a Chevy." "I'm better than you because I'm from Kanab." Or "I'm better than you because I recycle." These are all fine things-to bench press a Chevy or to recycle or to be from Kanab. But the problem comes when we use the traits and blessings we have to build our own Rameumptons, where we can declare our superiority. These Rameumptons become barriers that prevent us from having better friendships.
While on the Rameumpton, we are too caught up in our own lives to be aware of our friends and their needs. If we're too busy breaking an arm to pat ourselves on the back, we won't be sensitive to the times a friend needs an arm put around them.

Of all the things President Benson said in his talk on pride, there’s one sentence I find the most intriguing, “[Pride] is manifest in so many ways, such as … withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous.” Think about that. The proud cannot pass along praise. They cannot pass along gratitude. But they can hold onto grudges. Why? Because if they praise someone or tell someone they are grateful for what that person did for them, that person might feel better about themselves. And if a competitor feels better, then the race is going to be tighter.

The proud are so busy competing that they don’t have time to be loving. But they have time to hold a grudge. They have time to gossip and to insult. These kinds of people are the ones Nephi said take the attitude that says “Dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this” (2 Nephi 28:8). There are so many willing to dig pits for their neighbor. But how many are willing to fill in that pit and smooth out the road in front of their neighbor—removing the rocks and other stumbling blocks that can trip up their neighbor.

What kind of friend do you want? The kind who digs a pit for you, or the kind who blazes a smooth trail for you?

Be the kind of friend you want to have. Obviously, the point here is to remember that we are here to help our fellow being, not to beat them. With that in mind, let’s take a few seconds and honestly answer some questions to ourselves:

Ø Is there someone I need to forgive? If there is, forsake your pride and forgive that person. No one has ever been more mistreated than was our Christ. And yet, on the cross, he prayed for and forgave those who had nailed him to that cross, who had slashed his sides and who spat on him and insulted him. Christ forgave, so can we.

Ø Is there someone I need to praise? If there is, go ahead and tell them why you think they are so great? How un-Christlike is it to withhold from your friends praise they need to hear. Everyone needs to be complimented from time-to-time. Make sure your friends never suffer the indignity of low self-esteem because you were too proud to tell them what is good about them.

Ø Is there someone for whom you are grateful? If there is, call them or e-mail them or write them today and let them know how they’ve impacted your life. When a person does something to help you, there should always be a thank you. Likewise, you should thank your Heavenly Father for what gifts he has given you. You might remember that Christ once healed 10 lepers, but only one returned to thank Him. Christ said, “Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine? There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger” (Luke 17:7-8). Think back to your life. Have you ever prayed for something and had that prayer answered? When it was answered, did you think to thank God for hearing your prayer?

I believe there are three antidotes for pride, and gratitude is the first. Realizing how much God has done for you and much you truly depend on him is humbling. Remembering what God has done for you is the perfect antidote to pride. As you do so, you will come to realize some things: first, you will realize just how loved you are by God; second, you will come to know that you are His child, created in His image; and, finally, the more you come to know Him, the more you will realize how much work you still have to do to become like Him, and you will become so grateful that the Atonement of Jesus Christ makes up the difference.

The second antidote is to serve others. When you begin focusing on others’ needs instead of your own, then you will have no time for pride, and there will be no room for pride in your heart. What makes God so great isn’t all the principalities and powers He has, but the endless, infinite, eternal love He has for His children. God puts His children first—it is His work and his glory to see that they qualify to become like Him, so that he can share His principalities and powers with them. There are many places reserved for His children to share in His kingdom. He is not seeking to compete with his children; rather, he is trying to build them. He is inclusive, not exclusionary. We should do the same and think of others before we think of ourselves.

Finally, the third antidote is love. To first love yourself enough that you recognize the good there is in you and you don’t feel insecure over the struggles you have. And also to love yourself enough to base your self-esteem not on your positions or your possessions, but who you are, as a child of God. And also to love others because they are children of God—and to do what you can to help make their journey in life a little easier by brightening their path. This was the kind of friend Jonathan was. And that is why: “the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Kings 18:1). If you’re that type of friend to your friends, whether you have a few or many, the friends you do will love you; their hearts will be knit with yours—and you will be blessed with one of the best things you can have in this life: A true friend.

Motorcycle Riders make the best friends

A few years ago, I attended the missionary farewell of my friend, Rachael. The chapel was full of the many friends that Rachael had acquired over the years. She had been a great friend. The kind of friend you want to have. And many had had that blessing of being her friend. And I guess that’s why her farewell talk, given to a chapel filled with her friends was such a surprise and so memorable. She told us that when she was just starting middle school, she didn’t have any friends. And she prayed every night that Heavenly Father would just give her a friend. Months passed, and still she didn’t have any friends. She felt very lonely. She worried she’d never have a friend. But then, one night, she received an impression, “If you want to have a friend, you first have to be a friend.” So Rachael changed. Instead of holding back, she became the kind of friend she wanted to have—kind, outgoing, approachable, etc. The many friends she had at the time of her farewell spoke as to how well Rachael followed that impression.

I think there are so many who, at one time or another, face that same situation. I certainly have been blessed to know many days when I was surrounded by friends. But I have likewise endured days where I felt lonely and friendless and prayed, like Rachael prayed, that I would have a friend reach out to me. The Golden Rule, as taught by the Savior tells us: “All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them” (3 Nephi 14:12, see also Matthew 7:12). Apply that to friendship, and we get this, The Golden Rule of Friendship: Be the kind of friend you want to have.

Of all the people who need to hear that message, I am probably the one who needs to hear it the most. I am one who enjoys being reached out to, but I hesitate to reach out to others.

Let me demonstrate this with a story. It was my first day at SUU last August. I felt very out of place. On the drive up, I quickly and effectively convinced myself that I wouldn’t make any friends there. As I drove into Cedar, I felt so inadequate. I felt so dumb. And I felt like no one would like me. I so convinced myself that I would flunk out of SUU in a matter of weeks, that I came up with a plan that would ensure none of my classmates would be able to remember my name once I flunked out. My plan was simple: I wouldn’t talk to anyone.

So I planned things just right. I arrived at the classroom just as the class started, and seated myself alone at a table, away from everyone. I was so relieved that no one was sitting by me. That relief lasted all of two minutes. That’s when a latecomer straggled in, walked over to my table, put his motorcycle helmet on the table and sat down.

I was really mad that this guy had invaded my space and cost me the buffer zone I had won through my cunning.

“Oh, great!” thought I, “now, I am stuck, sitting at the table with, of all people, a motorcycle rider.”

The class lasted three hours, and it goes on and on and on. But halfway through the class period, we take a 10-minute break. So, as soon as we take the break, I dart out into the hall and begin wandering aimlessly. I go to the drinking fountain. It was water unfit for a third-world country. It tasted like dirt. And I think it was dirt. So I wandered around mindlessly for a few minutes before I absent-mindedly tried to the drinking fountain again. Big mistake! I realized that if I didn’t sit down, I would keep drinking from the dirt. Not wanting to inhale a quart of dirt, I decided I should return to the room and sit down.

Well, the motorcycle rider was still there. I really didn’t want to talk to him because motorcycle riders always have ego issues. But I realized I now had no choice. So I introduced myself and we started talking. Long story short we became good friends; in fact, he became my best friend in the program, and I really have enjoyed working with him on numerous projects and presentations.

About six months after we first met, Robert, the motorcycle rider, and I were in a class where the professor sat the whole class in a circle. Then, we went around the circle, saying what we enjoyed or admired about the other people in the class. Eventually, it was Robert’s turn to say something nice to me. He listed off a few attributes, and then, he said, “The thing I remember about Steve is that first day of class. I was sitting there and I felt so inadequate. I felt so dumb. And I felt like no one would like me. But then Steve started talking to me and helped me to relax and realize that everything was going to be OK.”

In other words, the same anxieties I had that first day were the same anxieties Robert had. I had misjudged him. I had thought him to be some egomaniac biker, but really he is one of the nicest guys there is. And like me, he just needed someone that day to reach out to him.

And even though I still struggle to reach out to people, I am glad that on that one day, at least, I was the kind of friend I want to have.

Said Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin: “It's easy to find excuses for not reaching out to others, but I imagine they will sound as hollow to our Heavenly Father as the elementary school boy who gave his teacher a note asking that he be excused from school March 30th through the 34th.” One of things we can learn from my experience that Robert is that just because someone rides a motorcycle, it’s no reason for us to not be their friend.

I am so grateful for the friends who have reached out to me when I needed it most. Like most people, I don’t advertise when I’m feeling lonely. And like most people, I just hope and pray someone will reach out to me. There’s a certain friend to whom I am indebted, for whenever I have such feelings, it’s just as if the Spirit moves him to reach out and include me in whatever he is doing that day. And that friend is the great Jeremy Schudde, who, ironically, rides a motorcycle. So I guess the moral of this is that bikers make the best friends.

A couple stories about how Schudde has, without knowing it, reached out to me when I most needed a friend. The first happened a couple years ago. I had in consecutive weeks: a friend’s farewell, work, and a nephew getting blessed that kept me away from our ward for three straight weeks. A couple days after I missed going to our ward for the third consecutive week, I just sighed to myself, and said, “You know what? I bet no one even noticed I was gone.” Well, less than an hour later, Schudde pulled up to my house, and said, “I haven’t seen you at church for a while. Every thing OK?” I said, “yup.” And then he said, “Let’s go to Arby’s.” And I’m always down for food. Anyhow, I was grateful that Schudde reached out to me, and I was grateful that my Heavenly Father blessed me with a friend who was watching out for me and making sure that I was walking the strait-and-narrow.

That’s what a true friend is: Someone who makes living the gospel easier.

Said Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: “Real friends share the gospel—the living of it and the loving of it. No stronger bond nor higher compliment can be given from one friend to another.”

Another insight comes from Elder Neal A. Maxwell: “Friends who would hold us back spiritually are not true friends at all.”

And to paraphrase President Wade W. Vest: “We should seek friends who help point us toward the temple.”

Those are some good standards for what a friend is. Taking those three quotes from Elder Holland, Elder Maxwell and President Vest, I think we could reduce those philosophies to this statement: “The Spirit should be able to abide with us when we are with our friends.” I think that’s a good standard. And if the Spirit can’t be with us when we are with our friends, well, then something needs to change. Again, friends should make living the gospel easier.

More recently, I really needed a friend because the friends I had spent the last eight months hanging out with—friends like the Finlinsons, Stanton and my friends from SUU—scattered when school ended. It was a bit of a shock to the system to so suddenly be left without those friends. I had nothing to do, and no one to hang out with. That first week was really discouraging. And, at the end of it, I went to Bishop Shepherd, and I said, “Bishop. I don’t where all my friends went.” And the bishop gave me some counsel, which I think is very wise, so I’ll share it with you in a minute, but he also gave me a blessing that I would find friends to hang out with. That blessing was answered. And who do you think answered it? My friend, Jeremy Schudde, who with us trademark inclusiveness began inviting me more and more to join him in whatever he was doing. That initial loneliness I felt dissipated quickly. And I’m very fortunate to have Jeremy as a friend.

By being so quick to be a friend, Jeremy is really fulfilling his baptismal covenant, part of which requires us to be “Willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:8-9) I am fortunate that the loneliness I experienced was short-lived. Not everyone is as lucky. Indeed, everyone, including the strongest among us, needs someone to reach out to them.

Another quote from Elder Wirthlin: President Gordon B. Hinckley has said that those who reach out to lift and serve others "will come to know a happiness . . . never known before. . . . Heaven knows there are so very, very, very many people in this world who need help. Oh, so very . . . many. Let's get the cankering, selfish attitude out of our lives, my brothers and sisters, and stand a little taller and reach a little higher in the service of others.”

Selfishness undercuts brotherhood. When we get overly focused on ourselves and our desires, we can miss out on another’s needs. Now, I promised you I would share with you the advise Bishop Shepherd gave me, when I went to talk to him about my friendlessness. And this was the advice: Serve others. In essence, Bishop Shepherd was encouraging me to be the kind of friend I wanted to have. I wanted to be reached out to. Bishop Shepherd was encouraging me to be the one reaching out. Said Elder Derek A. Cuthbert: "Fear of loneliness includes fear of not having anyone to talk to, or being without help in time of need. These fears can be conquered by reaching out and giving service to others, becoming outward-looking instead of inward-looking. In order to have a friend, we must be a friend."

Let me repeat that last line: "In order to have a friend, we must be a friend."

Essentially, Elder Cuthbert is saying many are waiting to have someone reach out to them. But Elder Cuthbert is also saying that instead of waiting for someone to reach out to us, we should reach out to them. I think there are many in this ward who need someone to reach out to them and to befriend them. That’s why … home teaching is so important. The most important thing a home teacher can be to his home teachees is to be their friend. In fact, I’d saying being called to be someone’s home teacher is a call to be someone’s friend. I really enjoy home teaching because of the people I get to meet, and the friends I’ve been fortunate enough to make. Some of the people I’ve home taught over the years have become my best friends. Home teaching is such a neat program because it really is that call to reach out and befriend.

I think that one of the biggest reasons people stay home on Sundays is that they don’t feel welcome at church; they don’t feel like anyone will notice them or talk to them or befriend them. For some, walking through those doors and into church may be a daunting task. That task could be made easier if they knew that, on the other side of those doors, is a friend. I think we would all be well-served if we each set a goal to reach out to someone at church, and each week, meet and befriend someone new. Likewise, we could say the same thing about our activities—where we have the chance to interact and to meet the people in the ward. I think the sum act of each of us resolving to befriend our fellow ward members could make a real difference. I was in a ward once where I’d go to church and come home and hardly talk to anyone. And, you know what, it was tough to go to church. And I was relieved when I was out of the ward and into a more-friendly ward.

But, you know, I shouldn’t throw a pity party for myself because I wasn’t reaching out in that ward either. And if I had, I probably would have had plenty of people talking to me. Of the things I read yesterday on reaching out, that seemed to be a common theme: Don’t complain about people not reaching out to you, if you’re not reaching out to them. Some examples:

Said Elaine L. Jack: “A lot of women speak to me about how lonely they are. … I generally suggest that they think about how many hands they have held in the last week. I don't presume that going from person to person in the spirit of service conquers all of our problems. But I know from my own experience that doing for others often puts life in a clearer perspective. It reminds us that our individual circumstances are not the only set of circumstances in the whole world or even in the dorm. Reaching out to someone else can help us shake loose some of our own inwardness. It can let us be part of the solution to problems, rather than the creation of them.”

And Said Elder Cuthbert: A few weeks ago, a brother complained to me, "When I was away on business recently, in another part of the country, I went to church and no one spoke to me. I felt very lonely, especially as I was so far from home." I paused and then asked, "How many people did you speak to?" At first he was a little annoyed, feeling I had not empathized, but then he smiled and said, "You're right, I did hold back instead of reaching out.”

Let’s return to the story of my friend, Rachael, who prayed for a friend—and her prayers were only answered when she became the friend who did the reaching out, when she became the friend she wanted to have.

In conclusion, I want to quote Joseph Smith and give you a couple examples from his life that demonstrates this principle: “It is a time-honored adage that love begets love. Let us pour forth love--show forth our kindness unto all mankind, and the Lord will reward us with everlasting increase; cast our bread upon the waters and we shall receive it after many days, increased to a hundredfold. Friendship is like Brother Turley in his blacksmith shop welding iron to iron; it unites the human family with its happy influence.” [Documentary History of the Church, 5:517]

The rest of my comments come from a talk by Ivan J. Barrett, a religion professor at BYU:

“The Savior, in his inspiring Sermon on the Mount, taught, "Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven" (Matthew 5:43­45). The Prophet Joseph Smith practiced this most difficult of all the Savior's teachings. …

“After being kidnapped by two sheriffs and brutally treated by them, his life constantly being threatened, the Prophet Joseph was rescued by his friends. Instead of his being escorted across the Mississippi River into Missouri, as the sheriffs intended to do, he was brought to Nauvoo. While in Nauvoo, the prophet took the two sheriffs to his home, placed them at the head of his table, and his wife waited on them as though they were the most honored guests that had ever graced her house. Joseph said, "I have brought these men to Nauvoo, not as prisoners in chains, but as prisoners of kindness. I have treated them kindly. I have had the privilege of returning them good for evil" (Documentary History of the Church, 5:467).

(You can see from this, that Joseph lived the Golden Rule.)

“…When the enemies of the Prophet Joseph were seeking his life during the Nauvoo period, the Prophet was forced to go into hiding, and on one occasion some of his friends visited him. After their departure he wrote, "How good and glorious it has seemed unto me to find pure and holy friends who are faithful, just, and true, and whose hearts fail them not and whose knees are confirmed and do not falter. These I have met in prosperity, and they were my friends, and now I meet them in adversity, and they are still my warmer friends" (Documentary History of the Church, 5:107). The Prophet Joseph sums up most impressively why they were his friends:

“Sectarian priests often asked concerning Joseph, "How can this babbler get so many followers around him and retain them?" The Prophet answered, "It's because I possess the principle of love. All I have to offer the world is a good heart and a good hand” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 313).

May we be the same kind of friend—and offer our friends a good heart and a good hand—and help them whenever they need help. In short, may we be the kind of friend we want to have.

A valued testimony

What I love about the Book of Psalms is that it is written from the heart. After a long struggle, I’ve decided that rather than use this time to focus on a principle, I wanted to follow David’s example and speak from the heart.

About a month ago, I was having a bad day, so I turned to my scriptures. And I read a verse that really hit my heart and, in this verse, I found the solace I needed that day. Since then, this verse has been lodged in my heart. The verse is 1 Nephi 11:6. In it, an angel says to Nephi: “… Blessed art thou, Nephi, because thou believest in the Son of the most high God … ” When I read that, I could hear the Spirit whisper so strongly, “Blessed are you, Stephen, because you believe in Jesus Christ.”

Whenever I think about that verse, I try to ask myself these questions: “Where would I be if I didn’t have the gospel of Jesus Christ? How has believing in Jesus Christ blessed my life? And what does my testimony of Jesus Christ mean to me?” I’ve spent some time thinking about this, and I want to share my answers with you.
But before I get into those answers, I want to tell you how I came to gain a testimony. It all started in the MTC. Most missionaries are smart enough to gain a testimony before they get to the MTC; I, however, wasn’t that bright. Through an experience I had on the Friday after I arrived in the MTC, which I’ll discuss later, I knew a mission was where I needed to be. But by Monday, I began to realize just how far behind I was—and I knew why. I hadn’t yet had the spiritual confirmation—that burning-in-the-heart testimony. I knew I needed one if I was going to spend the next two years preaching the gospel. So I discussed my situation with my companion, Elder Posey, and he “challenged” me to take Moroni’s promise and pray. So I did. I got down on my knees that night, and I asked God to answer five questions for me: First, I wanted to if God was real; second, I wanted to know if Christ was, in fact, the Redeemer; third, I wanted to know if the Book of Mormon was true; fourth, I wanted to know if Joseph Smith was a prophet of God; and, finally, I wanted to know if Gordon B. Hinckley was God’s prophet on the Earth today. So I asked those five questions, and I stood up and to show you spiritually immature I was, the first thing I thought was “There’s no way! There’s no way He’s going to answer all those questions.” But, by the next night, He had answered—and I had a testimony of all five of those things.

By far, the strongest answer was that Jesus Christ was indeed my Savior. We were in a large group meeting, about 200 missionaries or so, and they showed us “To This End Was I Born.” Now, I should tell you that, looking back on my high school years, I know that the Spirit had tried to give me this testimony before. Yet I would not hear. I shoved the Spirit away a few times because I wanted to be a tough guy; I didn’t want to be one of those strange guys who cried in Church. But this time, I had asked with a sincere heart and with real intent (see Moroni 10:3-5), and, this time, when the Spirit came, I did not shun it, I welcomed it, and I felt my heart burn, and I felt the Spirit so strongly that I was overwhelmed, and it made me cry. I felt a peace I had never felt before—but a peace I have experienced so often since.

The other part of this story is that night, my roommate, Elder Nibarger, got a package from his brother containing all of his old mission materials. And I read through it, and as I read about Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon, I could just feel my heart catch on fire, and the Spirit burned so strongly in my heart.

The Lord once told Oliver Cowdery: “Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.

“Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?

“And now, behold, you have received a witness; for if I have told you things which no man knoweth have you not received a witness?” (D&C 6:22-24)

Like Oliver Cowdery, I once cried unto the Lord to know the truth of this work. Like Oliver Cowdery, the Lord answered, speaking peace to my soul through His Spirit. The Spirit is a God; It is part of the Godhead; It is God the Testator, meaning the God which testifies. So I literally was visited by God that day. So what the Lord said to Oliver could apply to me: What greater witness can you have than from God?

Since then, those testimonies have burned in my heart again and again.

I am so grateful for the Spirit. That I am so blessed to have a member of the Godhead with me, to comfort me and to testify to me.

In 2 Corinthians 3:3, the Paul taught the Corinthians that a testimony is “. . . written not with ink, but with the spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart.” And certainly the Spirit has burned onto my heart a testimony of Jesus Christ. I really just wanted to share with you that my testimony is real. The Spirit has testified to my heart. Whenever a doubt creeps up, I follow the advice the Lord gave Oliver and say, “Did not my heart burn that night? Indeed, it did. And who was it that visited you and told you that these things where true? The Spirit.” And then I’ll remember that line: “What greater witness can you receive than from God?” And remembering that experience in the MTC and the subsequent experiences really do bring me peace.

Now, let’s get back to the three questions.

First, where would I be if I didn’t have the gospel of Jesus Christ?

For me, the question is better asked: Where would I be if I never served a mission? In honest reflections this week, as I have looked back at my life, I see there is a clear line of demarcation between the guy I was when I entered the MTC and the man I was when I left England. Before the mission, I wasn’t a bad kid. But my life was directionless; I had no purpose, no work ethic and no goals. I was just floating through life. I guess that, like so many other things, changed in the MTC—the first time I worked at anything with a purpose. Looking back, I let that testimony I had received change me. For the first time in my life, I had an anchor. Moroni once wrote: “Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God” (Ether 12:4).

With that newfound purpose, some things about me really began to change. It was while I was on the mission that I really gained a love for the gospel, and a love for the scriptures. It was while on the mission that I really learned how to pray. And it was while I was out that there that I learned on the darkest and gloomiest days, the surest path to sunlight is through sincere prayer and cracking open the Book of Mormon. Since then, whenever I face challenges, I am now smart enough to draw closer to God through study and prayer.

When I returned home from my mission, I returned with a strong testimony and a determination to walk the strait-and-narrow. And my life had purpose. I now knew what is what like to set goals, to work toward those goals and realize those goals.

On the mission, I ran into so many people who were without purpose, like I had been—and I saw the sum effect of a lifetime of bad decisions and a lifetime of living without a cause. These people were without an anchor. Of people like them, Mormon said, “But now, behold, they are led about by Satan, even as chaff is driven before the wind, or as a vessel is tossed about upon the waves, without sail or anchor, or without anything wherewith to steer her; and even as she is, so are they” (Mormon 5:18). Their situations reminded me of my own one summer day during my high school years when John Finlinson was driving me to a basketball camp. As he was driving along, he said, “You know, Steve, all I have to do is move the steering wheel like this”—and he pretended to jerk the steering wheel to the left, which would have taken us into oncoming traffic—“and you’d be dead. Think about it, Steve, I have your life in my hands.” It was about then that I lost my testimony of carpooling. I wish I had driven myself. Likewise, these people, because of their bad decisions, no longer had the ability to “drive their vehicle.” They were not in control of their destiny. Indeed, in a real way, they were subjected to another power, a destructive power.

We tried so hard to give these people an anchor; we tried so hard to get them to come unto Christ. Most, sadly, would not. And yet, they were miserable. In those two years, I saw the heartbreaking sadness that accompanies a lifetime of drugs and alcohol and perversions. I saw how those things destroyed families. I saw how those things ruined love. I talked to so many who were so sad, so brokenhearted; I talked to so many whose lives and families were in ruins because they had chosen so foolishly and so unwisely for so long. I’ll never forget the sad cries of one woman, for example, who was overcome by grief because the government had taken away her son because she, due to her drug and alcohol problems, was unfit to raise him. I remember another man, the ex-husband of one of our investigators, who could have still been married to a great woman but he was so critical of her and had such a negative, perverted view of women—a view gained through problems with pornography—that it was obvious he was incapable of love.

They needed a way out of their situations, to regain control of their destiny. Such people knew not where to turn for peace, even though I was sitting there, offering peace to them. Christ could free them. It would be a long, difficult road back. But through his Atonement, they could regain what was lost. We could talk to them and make them feel better for a moment, but they turned their back on the truths that would lead them to a lifetime of happiness.

But I also met people—great people, whom I admired so much—who had done great things with their lives because they had centered their lives on Christ. And, because of their prayers and service to God, and also because of their hard work, they had been blessed, and they had become something remarkable. They had built their lives on the bedrock of the gospel. They did the things that mattered—such as reading scriptures, serving their God and holding family home evening. These people were respected, loved and a credit to the church and their communities. They had strong, close-knit families, and, when you entered their homes, you felt a certain peace. It was a stark contrast to see the happiness that belonged to the Saints of God compared to the sadness of those who chose another path. From those experiences, I decided I wanted to make something of my life. I decided that I wanted to be like the Saints.

Before my mission, I was just wasted potential. In high school, I goofed off and ditched class a lot of the time. But after seeing where that path led, I resolved that I would try to excel at whatever I tried. Perhaps the biggest difference between my pre-mission self and my post-mission self is how I approached my education. I remember sitting down, going over the class catalog for Dixie College, a few months before I enrolled. I set some really lofty goals for myself. And given what I was in high school, I really shouldn’t have been able to meet those goals. But I did. The difference? The difference was the Lord. In the two years I was serving Him, He was blessing me. Through the enabling power of Christ’s Atonement, He was expanding my capabilities. And, as I continued to work toward worthy goals and prayed for his assistance, He once again came and helped me. I went from being wasted potential to having potential realized, and I really am humbled to think how blessed I have been. I feel the same way another RM, Ammon, felt, when he said:

“I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

“Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things …” (Alma 26:11-12).

I am amazed just how much the Lord has blessed me. I realize how indebted I am to Him. And I also realize that it is a bill that will never be paid. I spent two years serving Him, and He has blessed me so abundantly. In any honest assessment of my life, I have to agree with what King Benjamin once said, when he was explaining why it is impossible to repay Christ:

“And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him.

“And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?” (Mosiah 2:23-24).

I can honestly say every good thing I have been able to accomplish in my life since I returned from England is a direct result from my decision to serve a mission. The mission was life-changing, and it will be a lifelong blessing.

Second question: How has believing in Jesus Christ blessed my life?

To me, this question is best answered by what my family is because of the gospel of Jesus Christ. My parents did things right. They married in the temple; they honored one another, and they honored their covenants. Because they have done so, my family will be an eternal family. The eternal family is possible because of Christ’s Atonement. Without His sacrifice, eternity would be impossible for individuals and families. In other words, without Christ’s Atonement, not only would we not be able to return to our Heavenly Father, but the loving relationships we create would not last into the next life. Fortunately, He came, He suffered, He bled and He died so that families that are sealed in the temple and treat each other with honor could last through eternity.

That’s especially meaningful to me because I love my parents, my sisters and my brother so very much, and I never want to part from them. I am so grateful that my parents did things the right way and created a house where there was love.

First, I think that my parents’ decision to have us read the Book of Mormon together as a family is what glued our family together, and made the great relationships I have with my brother and sisters as close as they are.
I was a little surprised last summer when I asked my mom, if her family ever studied the scriptures when she was growing up? “No” she replied.

“Well, did you have family home evening?”

“No.”

“What about family prayer?”

“No.”

I asked my dad the same questions—and he said his family only had family prayer.

“Well, then why did you decide to have to family scripture study, family prayer and family home evening?” I asked.
My dad answered matter-of-factly, “It’s what the prophet asked us to do.” The way he answered the question makes me think that he and my mom didn’t view what the prophet asked them to do as optional.

I’m sure they had difficult times gathering us all together for those things as it always seemed like someone didn’t want to come. But I am glad they persisted and followed the prophet and did the things that unite a family through the Spirit. In other words, my parents’ trust and belief in Jesus Christ created a wonderful family for me to grow up in and be a part of throughout eternity. As I have grown in testimony of the Savior, my love for family has likewise grown—and I believe it has affected the way I treat them. I don’t treat them perfectly, but I do treat them much better than I did before I had testimony because I have come to realize just valuable they are and how blessed I am to have them.

Last Question: What does my testimony of Jesus Christ mean to me?

It means everything. It means that on the darkest days of my life, I have a source of Light to lead me. It means that on the loneliest days of my life, I have a Friend. It means when sin weighs me down, I have a way out. It means when life has kicked me in the shins, I still have hope. It means when I feel as though trials are tossing me to and fro, I have on my side the One who calmed the seas. It means when I feel as I though I am sinking, Christ stands there, arms outstretched, waiting to rescue me. I have come to know that there is nothing that Christ won’t do for me—because He has already done everything for me.

He is my Atoner, my Redeemer, my Savior, my Rescuer. He is my Friend. I have needed His love so often in my life. And I have felt that love. I have needed His Atonement so often in my life, and I have received forgiveness.

I feel to exclaim my gratitude for Him and what He has done for me. I feel as Elder Neal A. Maxwell did when he said: “I thank the Savior for personally bearing all which I added to His hemorrhaging at every pore for all of humanity at Gethsemane. I thank Him for bearing what I added to the decibels of His piercing soul-cry atop Calvary.” I know that Christ suffered not just for me but because of me and the stupid mistakes I have made. I know that somewhere, in Gethsemane and on the cross, he suffered my sins. I will never know how great a price He paid to purchase me with His blood and His life.

But when I study His Atonement, it’s not the suffering I focus on, it’s His motivation to suffer those things—His love. His love for me; His love for us. He volunteered to be my Savior—and when he volunteered, He did so for just one reason: Love. He wanted no honor, no glory for Himself. He just wanted to see me and you return to our Father. What He had to go through, what He had to endure, was horrendous. Just before He made the Atonement, he prayed to the Father and asked if there was another way. There wasn’t. Filled with love for his fellow man, Christ then performed the Atonement—thereby creating our only hope, our only way back. It wasn’t easy. He later told Joseph Smith: “Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink” (D&C 19:18).

Just as the bread at the sacrament table today was torn and broken, so was His body torn and broken for us. And from that broken, torn body gushed forth His blood, so freely spilt for us. And all this because He loved us. He loved us. As He told Joseph Smith: “For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent” (D&C 19:16).

Can you or I doubt His love? He once said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Indeed, He did lay down his for life for us. Wherefore, can we doubt His love? Satan would have us doubt. But the reality of our testimonies and the many witnesses and experiences we have received of His divine, unmatched love for us should convince otherwise. Christ once spoke to those who doubted His love:

“But, behold, Zion hath said: The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me—but he will show that he hath not.

“For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel.

“Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me” (1 Nephi 21:14-16).
I testify that He knows you. He knows you. He knows who you are, He knows what you are like and He loves you more than you can imagine. He hasn’t forgotten you; in fact, He is near you. I know this is the case with you because it is the case with me. And as He loves you, He loves me. The more I study about His life, the less I want to sin because I do not want to add to what He has suffered for me. Having realized that I was purchased with a price, I want to, out of reverence for what He has done for me, walk His paths more perfectly. I wish I were more successful in keeping the commandments. I wish my life better matched what’s in my heart.

He has created a path for you and for me to return to live with our Heavenly Father. We have the choice—we can walk the path that leads to life eternal and unending happiness or we can roam into the cul-de-sac that dead-ends in misery and bitterness. Fortunately, even the detours we have taken can be overcome.

Because of His atonement, he can rescue us from those dead-ends, and turn those cul-de-sacs into on-ramps onto the strait-and-narrow path, if we have the courage to let His atoning blood be applied to us. He came to Earth to create such a way, and He stands even now with his arms outstretched, ready to welcome back, anyone who is need of repentance. And since we all are, or have been or will be in need of repentance, I want to end with this scripture from the 18th section of the Doctrine and Covenants that will hopefully reminds us just how valued we are by Him:

“Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;

“For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him.

“And he hath risen again from the dead, that he might bring all men unto him, on conditions of repentance.

“And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!”

I want to repeat that last verse: “And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!”

Christ takes great joy in us when we choose to repent. He loved us enough to create the way, and now He only hopes that we will use that Atonement to repent and be cleansed in His blood.

Truly, we are all blessed to believe in Jesus Christ. May we become more aware and more grateful for the great blessings He has given each one of us, and the great chance for repentance He gives each of us is my prayer in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.