Tuesday, August 31, 2004

NEWS: I've decided not to seek a second term

For the last five years, I've enjoyed serving as your Supreme Dictator of Earth.

However, I have decided to not seek a second lifetime term. I will fill my first lifetime term, and upon my death, you can feel free to fill the vacancy. I ask that at that time, you not re-elect me to a lifetime term.

This brings up an interesting point.

Because I was not elected in the first place. It was King Arthur who said, "You don't vote for a king." I'm not a king. I'm too powerful, tyrranical and self-absorbed to be a king. So I became a Supreme Dictator.

In fact, I became the Supreme Dictator of Earth, although technically I share the title with Kimball and Drake. Harv is an emeritus dictator, and Drake was, I suppose, an emeritus dictator too, but now he's back. Some maybe I'm not the Supreme Dictator of Earth, but I'm one-third of the Supreme Dictators of Earth.

And really, in my mind, Kimball and Drake are subservient to me. They might argue otherwise, but it doesn't really matter. It's a big world, and it's only controlled by the three of us, so we really don't spend too much time talking to each other--because it would interfere with our plundering, pillaging, dictating, womanizing, threatening and conquering schedules.

With that much to do, there's little time for chess ... let alone arguments about the bureaucratic structure of our dictatorship.

Anyhow, I've digressed. I was telling you how I was not elected.

Well, it was quite simple.

Harv and I were sitting around one day in 1999--near the height of the Lewinsky scandal. When we came across a little-known archaic law that states you can become the Supreme Dictator of Earth, if you send out a letter to the heads of state around the world and say this:

"We are pleased to announce that we will become the Supreme Dictators of Earth on such-and-such date, unless you send a letter back to us, asserting your sovereignty by that date. If such a letter is not received, we will assume you have acquiesced to our request, as silence is compliance."

So we sent this letter back and all but three countries--Kenya, Guam and Nepal--didn't respond.

We figure the rest of the world was so paralyzed by the brouhaha around the Clinton sex scandal and so desirous to find, read and discuss every subtopic of that issue that they just simply forgot to open their mail.

Timing was our forte.

Kenya, Guam and Nepal were subsequently aligned with us through coups d'etat. So there we were, a big world to run and just the two of us to do it. So we added Harv to the lineup. Then Drake. Then Harv resigned because he was in violation of the Dictator's Code, later on Drake resigned--or rather, he, like Harv, was given emeritus status--for a violation similar to Harv's.

Drake has recently been reinstated.

And has subsequently been voted the sexiest man alive. That makes Kimball angry. But he's too busy yelling orders at underlings to really combat Drake's sexiness.

Underlings. They're so fun to yell at. I like the way they jump when you threaten to, say, raze the house.

Hah-hah. Good times, good times.

We have had, of course, some frictions, most notably the Sardonic Sorcerer of Bloomington, Matt Maxwell and his feared yak. This caused a faction, although we, in Amalickiah-like style, convinced Maxwell to appoint Kimball and I subsidiary dictators to the yak when he left to Japan. As seconds-in-command of Maxwell's Kingdom, we then overthrew the yak, placing ourselves in as the Rulers of Bloomington.

And peace was again established in the land.

Two years later, upon learning of our cunning, Maxwell returned from Japan with a band of Samurais, intent on destroying us. Unfortunately, for Maxwell, his band of Sumarais weren't warriors--they were actually Sumarai band members. So instead of assaulting us with swords; they assaulted us with trumpets and flutes.

Needless to say, this was no problem.

As a peace settlement, we gave Maxwell the unruly state of Wisconsin, which is, in fact, a fitting punishment for a ruthless insubordinate.

Since then, there've been no threats to our power. We rule peacefully and well. We adored, admired and never admonished.

We are the best and the brightest. We keep the metric system down. Kilos is illegalos.

We fight against truth, justice and the American way. Instead, we fight for misinformation, higher taxes and the Dictators' way. So in a way, we're like the Democrats ... except in power.


COMMENTARY: Wolf Blitzer is a Garden Gnome

Wolf Blitzer bugs me. Absolutely bugs me.

It starts with his name. When you hear the name "Wolf Blitzer," you think of a mean, nasty linebacker the one who jams nerds into lockers and sits around eating raw meat and flosses with butterfly knives.

But when you see the real Wolf Blitzer, you see someone who looks like the nerd being stuffed into the locker. You see someone who's like a vegetarian because his stomach isn't strong enough to digest meat.

If you're named Wolf Blitzer, you're supposed to be tough. Instead, he's an ant, and about the size of one too.

No one is scared of Wolf Blitzer. He looks like a garden gnome. And, for all intents and purposes, he is a garden gnome. Just someone to sit there in the front yard of the CNN Studio, reading other people's copy while never changing his facial expression.

He is the eighth dwarf: Boring.

Bashful is ashamed to be related to him. Seeing his brother on TV, Bashful turns red immediately. When Snow White sees Wolf Blitzer, she pretends not to know him.

And when I see Wolf Blitzer on TV, I surf right on by

Thursday, August 26, 2004

RELIGION: Sacrament Talk July 27, 2003: Christ Can Redeem!

In 2 Corinthians 3:3, the Paul taught the Corinthians that a testimony is “. . . written not with ink, but with the spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart.” In other words, a testimony cannot be gained through mere study—as all other knowledge is gained. Rather, since it is a Celestial piece of information, it must come from a Celestial source—the Holy Ghost.

And it is through the frequent whisperings of that Spirit, that the words “I know my Redeemer lives” has been etched onto the fleshy tables of my heart.

But it is not enough to have a testimony, we must live up to that testimony. A wise person once told me: “We should live our lives in such a way that someone who doesn’t know Christ but knows us will want to know Christ because they know us.” That, of course, is a tall order. I’m sure that if someone watched and catalogued my life, they would conclude that I live more of a Garfield lifestyle than a Christian lifestyle.

But fortunately, I have a way to repent and change. Richard G. Scott taught: “You must trust that the Savior has given His life so that you may make the required changes in your life.” What a wonderful opportunity is ours to cast off the shackles of sin through our Savior’s love. The burden of sin, taught President Harold B. Lee, is the heaviest that anyone can carry in this life. Elder Boyd K. Packer expressed it this way: “I readily confess that I would find no peace, neither happiness nor safety, in a world without repentance. I do not know what I should do if there were no way for me to erase my mistakes. The agony would be more than I could bear.” We are all probably well-acquainted, more than we want to be, with the debilitating effects of sin. We have probably all felt as though we were in a state of worthlessness when our sins have weighed us down. Perhaps, foolishly, we have allowed the Adversary to put into our hearts, the thought that we cannot be redeemed, that we cannot change, that a sinner is what we are and what we will ever be.

Such a lie is calculated to deprive of us of the infinite atonement—and I testify that it is infinite. Foreseeing this cunning plan of the evil one, Christ asked, through the prophet Isaiah, in 2 Nephi 7:2: “O house of Israel is my arm shortened at all that it cannot redeem, or have I no power to deliver?” You will note that this question comes at the start of the Isaiah chapters of 2nd Nephi, which chronicles many sins and abominations. It is this question that we are left to ponder as we read about the wickedness of the world. But at the end of it, Christ notes all this, and says succinctly in 2 Nephi 28:32: “I will be merciful unto them, saith the Lord God, if they will repent and come unto me; for mine arm is lengthened out all the day long.” In short, these two verses teach this very important principle: Christ’s arm is not shortened! He can redeem!”

Let us, therefore, not put limits on an atonement that is infinite. Christ has all power. If the oceans can evaporate on his commandment, then why can he not change our hearts if we come unto Him with a broken heart and a contrite spirit?

Christ will never turn his back to us. As near as I can tell, that is the point of the Isaiah chapters in 2nd Nephi: Christ is there for us. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell put it: “We may turn from Him, but He is still there. We may feel that he is hidden from us because of the cloud cover of our concerns, but He is still close to us. We—not He—let something come between us, but no lasting eclipse need ensue. Our disregard for him is no match for His love of us!”

Yes, love is the greatest trademark of our Savior, for it was His love for us that caused him to commit the atonement for us! Of this Ezra Taft Benson said, “We may never understand nor comprehend in mortality how He accomplished what he did, but we must not fail to understand why He did what He did. Everything He did was prompted by His unselfish, infinite love for us.”

Perhaps this perfect and pure love of Christ is best exemplified with his dealings with Paul. Said Elder Maxwell: “Who but merciful and discerning Jesus could be betrayed, arrested, and forsaken, and yet extend to a one-time persecutor, Saul, the great apostolic calling? Later on, [Christ] stood by a jailed and persecuted Peter in the night.” Alma the Younger is a character very similar to Paul because, like Paul, Alma went about seeking to destroy the church and the testimony others had for Christ, but was stopped by an angel. Alma tells us that after this experience he was “for three days and three nights was I racked with the pains of a damned soul.” But Alma “remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world. Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou son of God, have mercy on me … And behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy, and marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was pain!” (Alma 36:16-20).

Indeed, Christ does stand with open arms, waiting for us. Indeed, he did suffer all things for us. He did this so that we would not have to be racked with the pains of a damned soul. He did this so we would not be forever in Satan’s power. He did this so that we could become like Him. That we could live again with Him and the Father. It is when we understand why suffered that we can sing: “I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me!”
The Book of Mormon prophet Jacob expressed his gratitude for the Savior in 2 Nephi 9:10, when he said: “O how great the goodness of our God, who prepareth a way for our escape from the grasp of this awful monster.” Yes, we have the opportunity to cast off sin and purified in the blood of the Lamb.

But that does not mean that repentance is a right that can be abused. We must remember that we are, as Paul said, “bought with a price” (1 Cor. 6:20). And as such, we must behave like ones who know that Christ did, in reality, suffer all things for our good.

We, therefore, should not seek out sin nor fall victim to the dangerous and abusive attitude of “Sin now and repent later.” We cannot trade our allegiance to our Redeemer for any portion of money, sex, or praise of man. Perhaps we can learn from the example of Anthon H. Lund. As a 13-year-old boy, Anthon H. Lund, who would later serve in the first presidency, was fulfilling a mission in his native Denmark. His combination of youth and spiritual competence won over many. He was so impressive that a wealthy and devout Lutheran offered to make Anthon his heir, if Anthon would become a Lutheran minister. Anthon replied: “I have no doubt that you are a rich man, but you have not money enough to buy my allegiance to the Church of God.” Even as a 13-year-old boy, Anthon H. Lund comprehended what was of the greatest worth: Following the Savior. We show our appreciation and friendship for the Atoner by being obedient to His commandments and by striving to live a life that would mirror the life that was sacrificed for us.

Recently, I read an article about Joe Delaney, who was an All-Pro running back for the Kansas City Chiefs in the early 1980s. Joe was more than just a football player. He was known for mowing the lawns of lonely women and checking in on the elderly. He was an all-around good guy. Perhaps that’s why one day, when he heard a cry for help from three drowning boys, he jumped in to save them—even though he couldn’t swim. By sheer strength, he was able to throw one of the boys to safety before he and the two other boys drowned.

Of the boy who was saved, Sports Illustrated’s Rick Reilly writes: “As much as you might hope that [he] has done something with the gift Delaney gave him, so far he hasn't. . . . Thirty years old now, [he] got out of jail in May after serving time for distribution of cocaine. There's still time for him to do something wonderful with the life Delaney gave him. After all, Delaney was doing wonderful things with the one he gave up.” This young man has forgotten that his mortal life was purchased with a price. Similiarly, our eternal lives were purchased with a price—the suffering and death of Jesus Christ. To attain eternal life, we must live lives in which our faith is not hard to detect. We need to live lives that reflect the testimonies we have of Christ.

The Spirit of God has written such a testimony on my heart. Indeed, I do know that my Redeemer lives. I wish to live worthy of every blessing He would extend to me. I know He lives. But the Spirit of God has also whispered frequently to me other testimonies, and from this, I can testify that God lives and He too loves us with a love greater than we can comprehend. And the Father and The Son did appear to a 14-year-old boy named Joseph Smith. They did call him to be a prophet through whom they would restore the Holy Priesthood and bring forth those treasured books, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price. I also know that Gordon B. Hinckley is God’s prophet on the earth today. How grateful I am to be a member of this church. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

RELIGION: Sacrament Meeting Talk: May 12, 2002: A Mother Worth Celebrating

What a blessing it is to speak to you on Mother’s Day. But what a greater blessing it has been for me to have been raised by a mother who is worth a celebrating, for my mother is a woman of Christ; her actions and conduct testify of her belief in the Redeemer. She is exactly the kind of woman whom the Lord needs in the battle between good and evil. While my life does not yet reflect her total devotion to the Savior, I am inspired by her example, and resultantly, I want to more completely honor and obey by covenants, and by so doing, honor both my mother and my Savior.

So on this day that has been set aside to honor my mother, my question to myself has been: what can I do to honor her? This has been the question of the week, and if you don’t mind, I would like to disclose my conclusions to you and use them as the basis of my talk. I believe that that there are three ways in which we can honor our mothers: first, by understanding her divine and eternal role as our mother; second, by showing our gratitude and love to her; and finally and most importantly, by keeping our covenants.

In 1935, the First Presidency issued a message on the divinity of motherhood that read: “Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.”

Can those of us who have experienced the love of a good mother consider her to be anything less than angelic?! It is little wonder then that the First Presidency claimed her service to be “next to the angels.”

We can also not overlook the importance of motherhood, as it is stated in this passage, which, again, reads that “[Motherhood] is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind.”

Of this, Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “God trusts women so much that He lets them bear and care for His spirit children.”

Furthermore, President Brigham Young said, “When I reflect upon the duties and responsibilities devolving upon our mothers and sisters, and the influence they wield, I look upon them as the mainspring and soul of our being here.”

And finally, Elder Maxwell once said, "When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside of telestial time."

My purpose in reading these quotes is with the hope that you can see the prophets have testified and continue to testify of the divine role of the mother. We know God’s purposes require her committed role.

But I want you to find your own personal application. I think we should ask ourselves this question: How has my mother blessed my life? I realize that can be hard for us at this point in our lives; most of us are just coming out of a stage where our relationship with our parents could best be described as “adversarial.”

But please look beyond that and honestly ask yourself, how has my mother blessed my life? I have thought about that this week, and there are many, many ways in which my mother has blessed my life. But there is no greater blessing that I have received from her than her diligence in teaching me gospel truths. Her faith, her patience, her devotion put me in a place where I could hear the Spirit of God testify to me of the divine principles of the Gospel. And now, I can say independent of my mother or any other person that I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true church on earth today and that Jesus Christ is my Savior. What a blessing that knowledge is in my life!

Might I again invite you to spend some time on this day—Mother’s Day—to reflect upon how your mother has blessed your life. In so doing, I promise you that you will have an increased feeling of gratitude toward your mother. Annette Paxman Bowen writing in the Ensign noted, “For most [mothers], it will take years of practice before our lives bear resemblance to Proverbs 31:28: ‘Her children arise up, and call her blessed’.”

Often the result of a woman’s children not rising up and calling her blessed is not because of the woman’s failure as a mother; rather, it is because of the child’s failure to recognize the mother’s effect on his life.

Do not be caught in this trap! President David O. McKay once said, “The greatest sin of this generation is ingratitude!”

I hope that we will not be found guilty of being ungrateful to our mothers! If you are moved with gratitude toward your mother, might I suggest you do something more than just feel it—may you show it.

Sister Bowen shared this story: “Last week, my youngest child came into my workroom and asked, ‘Hey, Mom, have you checked the kitchen counter yet?’ I hadn’t, but I immediately arose to go see what I might find. There by the sink, in a kindergarten scrawl, accompanying a picture of a bear on a skateboard, were these words: “Mom, I love you.” Those words made my day. No mother can hear them enough.”

My suggestion to you would be to send your mother a letter, thanking her for all the tiring sacrifices she made to raise you, for all the love she always showed, and let her know how grateful you are to be her son or daughter. If you do, I can promise you that it will be a letter that she will always treasure.
Finally, the best way to show your gratitude is to keep your covenants.

Know that this will give any righteous parent great joy; it was the apostle John who wrote: “I have no greater joy than to hear my children walk in truth.” Remember that it is by obedience to our covenants that we qualify to reside with our parents throughout eternity. But more importantly, keeping our covenants shows respect for our mother’s teachings, or as President Thomas S. Monson put it: “One certain way each can demonstrate genuine love for mother is to live the truths mother so patiently taught.” Conversely, President Monson also taught that “Whenever we fall, whenever we do less than we ought, in a very real way we forget mother.”

Elder Russell M. Nelson related a poignant story of the consequences of forgetting our mother’s teachings:
When I was a young university student, one of my classmates urgently pleaded with a group of us—his Latter-day Saint friends—to donate blood for his mother, who was bleeding profusely. We went directly to the hospital to have our blood typed and tested. I’ll never forget our shock when told that one of the prospective donors was unfit because of a positive blood test for a venereal disease. That infected blood was his own! Fortunately, his mother survived, but I’ll never forget his lingering sorrow. He bore the burden of knowing that his personal immorality had disqualified him from giving needed aid to his mother, and he had added to her grief. I learned a great lesson: if one dishonors the commandments of God, one dishonors mother, and if one dishonors mother, one dishonors the commandments of God.”

Similarly, President Monson related the following story about a young army man:

One night at a champagne supper, when many were becoming intoxicated, someone in jest called for a toast from this young man. Colonel Higginson said that he arose, pale but with perfect self-control, and declared: “Gentlemen, I will give you a toast which you may drink as you will, but which I will drink in water. The toast that I have to give is, ‘Our mothers.’

Instantly a strange spell seemed to come over all the tipsy men. They drank the toast in silence. There was no more laughter, no more song, and one by one they left the room. The lamp of memory had begun to burn, and the name of Mother touched every man’s heart.

President Monson sums up with these words: “Men turn from evil and yield to their better natures when mother is remembered.” As you know, a few moments ago, we partook of the sacrament and covenanted with our Heavenly Father that we will always remember Jesus Christ. The importance of remembering Christ is that it is when we are awakened to His mercy and His love, temptation becomes easier to resist and we are strengthened. It is interesting then that the memory of a mother can have the same power of dispelling temptation as remembering Christ has. The reason for this is simple, for if a mother raises her children in righteousness, she directs their lives toward Christ.

One of the greatest lessons I learned from my mother is what it is like to be loved, for I know she loves me. I am not a parent, so I cannot comprehend perfectly a parent’s love, but it is real and it is deep. I know my mother has prayed and fasted on my behalf, and her prayers have been answered, and God has blessed my life because of her pleadings. And my understanding of how much my mother loves me has helped me, in a small way, to better understand the love my Heavenly Father must have had for me to send down his Son, Jesus Christ, to die for me. And how much Jesus Christ loved me—enough to die for me.

Their love is best summed up, I believe, in these two scriptures. First, John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” And secondly, John 15:13: “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

How grateful I am for the love of a kind Heavenly Father who loved me enough to send His Son; and how grateful I am for the Savior who gave his life because He loved me. And how grateful I am that I have had the chance and continue to have the chance to have my sins blotted out through the blood of The Lamb.

Therefore, how grateful I am for a mother who introduced me to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and opened the door to the testimony born of the Spirit which I have and would now like to bear to you: I know that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world and that he lives, and that Christ and our Father in Heaven appeared to Joseph Smith and called him to be a prophet, and through him, they restored God’s church and priesthood to the earth. I also know that this church is led by a living prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley, and how blessed I feel to hear the words of President Hinckley and the other men whom we sustain as prophets, seers, and revelators, and truly, they are such. What a great blessing it is to be a member of this church, and this I say in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

COMMENTARY: The Seventh Most Disgusting Thing In the World

Is there anything more disgusting than seeing a beautiful woman holding the hand of an ugly guy?

Actually, there are six things more disgusting, but I won't mention them here, except to say the phrase "President Hillary Clinton" is one of them.

But, yes, yes, yes, it is disgusting to see a feo muchacho holding the hand of a guapa muchacha! (Please forward all Spanish complaints to Stanton Roseman).

And here's why:

Because you see it, and you say, "Hey, that could have been me ... if only I would have beaten that guy to the punch." It's hard in those moments to keep the "thou shalt not covet" commandment, as one mutters under his breath, "Lucky stiff."

I saw this phenomenon on campus, just prior to the near bike crash (see below posting).

Stanton and I were discussing it on our way up to The Sun Room. I thought, at first, it might make a good article. "How Ugly Guys Attract Hot Women." It would definitely be more read than an article on, say, 527s and campaign finance law (that's a story only interesting to journalists who haven't been on a date in two years--in other words, me).

The problem, though, would come in interviewing people for the story.

"Um, excuse me, I'd like to know how you, a man uglier than Nevada, could be holding hands with this lovely female?"

I've learned from sad, sad experience that it is never wise to tell anyone that they're ugly. People don't enjoy hearing this, nor do they want it published and read by a mass audience.

This could be the cause for embarrassment.

"Hey, Edgar, I read in the paper that you're ugly."

So extracting the secrets of the Ugly Conquerors of the Heart will have to wait until a more tactful way to approach it can be done.

COMMENTARY: Bikes are not a weapon

* Let's say you're riding your bike across the campus sidewalks. At a pedestrian intersection, you see that if you maintain your current rate, there's a good chance you will collide with a mother, who is walking along, holding her newborn in a baby-carrier.

What do you do?

A) Slow down, and let the infant-toting mother pass you.

B) Speed up, and risk that if there be a collision, it will be more spectacular.

C) Don't change anything, and hope the mother changes her pace.

Personally, I would choose A. Why risk it?

But, today, I was on campus at DSC, helping Stanton with the newspaper. At one point, Stanton had to do a quick interview, so I sat outside and watched the girls file by. ]

Anyhow, in the midst of this, I see a biker in the scenario listed above. He chose option B. However, an accident was much closer than he had anticipated, and he came tantalizing close to drilling this mother and her child while traveling at an optimal bike speed. The results could have been disastrous, but fortunately the mother stepped back at just the right time.

Needless to say, I was upset that the biker gambled and risked harming this mother and her baby.

Bikes are not a weapon, but they can be dangerous devices when not operated properly, cautiously and considerately. And when there's a newborn involved, speed must be sacrificed when it ensures the safety of that child.

Getting there quickly must always yield to ensuring that we all just get there.

SPORTS: EPL Prediction

Arsenal won't go unbeaten again as it did last year, but it will win the league again. Look for the Gunners to get at least a double this year. What's clear is that Man. U. has lost its grip on the Premiership, perhaps getting rid of Beckham wasn't such a good idea. Chelsea will finish ahead of Man. U. After those top three, the rest really don't matter.

1. Arsenal
2. Chelsea
3. Manchester United
4. Liverpool
5. Newcastle
6. Aston Villa
7. Everton
8. Middlesbrough
9. Blackburn
10. Tottenham
11. Charlton
12. Portsmouth
13. Fulham
14. Birmingham
15. Bolton
16. Southampton
17. Crystal Palace
18. West Brom
19. Man City
20. Norwich

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

SPORTS: Do you believe there were sports in Utah before Urban?

I can't believe Urban Meyer said that the Utah-Texas A&M game will be the biggest event in the state of Utah in the last 20 years.

It's not even the biggest game Texas A&M has played in the state of Utah in the last 20 years. Their 1996 contest against BYU at least carried the title of the Pigskin Classic, and BYU's win vaulted the Cougars to a Top 5 finish that year. This year, the Aggies hardly resemble a powerhouse coming off their worst season in decades; one that included a 77-0 loss to Oklahoma, so this year's tilt probably lacks the excitement that Meyer thinks it has. It's not even the biggest college football game in the state this year! That would be when USC, the only national title contender to play in the state this season, comes to Provo. At least the AP game story from that even might be ran in more than 10 papers nationwide.

What else has happened in the last 20 years? Oh, a little thing called the Olympics. Clearly, a Texas A&M-Utah game is more important than that.

Two little things called the NBA Finals were played in Salt Lake City. Those two NBA Finals were the most watched in history, and Michael Jordan made the most famous shot in NBA history on the Delta Center floor. I'd say every NBA playoff game and most NBA games played in the Delta Center in the last 20 years have more appeal than the Utah-A&M game.

I dare say the BYU-Miami game of 1990 dwarfs the Utah-A&M tilt. As does the moment that BYU won the 1984 national championship. Oh, and when Ty Detmer won the Heisman. And when John Stockton retired--that got covered by 100-fold the newspapers that will cover the Utah-A&M game.

Sports fans are more familiar with the phrase: "Stockton-to-Malone" than they are with the phrase: "Smith-to-Warren," and right now, half the people reading this are saying who are Smith & Warren? Isn't that a gun company?

We could probably name a dozen more games that were bigger than the Texas A&M-Utah game, and we've probably already forgotten about a dozen more.

Still, I can see why Utah is excited. It's so rare for them to have a national power not named B-Y-U in their stadium.

But Meyer would do well to realize that the Utah sports scene did exist before he came to the Hill.

POLITICS: Much Ado About Kerry!

Everyone seems to be talking about the war.

Not the one in Iraq, but the one in Vietnam, that occurred pre-my lifetime.

John Kerry wants us to vote for him because he served in Vietnam. Others want to devalue Kerry's service so we can know not to vote for him.

Who cares?

I'm deciding between George W. Bush and the 2004 version of John Kerry, not the 1971 John Kerry.

I think it's admirable that John Kerry fought in the Vietnam War, but I think it's dishonorable that he came home and betrayed his band of brothers afterwards.

What matters is what John Kerry is now.

And what he is now, a one-man debate, is not very impressive. He has spent his campaign speaking on his war record to detract us from his tax-hiking, defense-weak, big government voting record.

The "I actually voted for the $87 billion before I voted against it" Kerry's approach has no clear directive, except to be elected president.

The real shame is that Kerry, one of the more abhorrent Democratic potentials, got the nomination at all. The Democratics could have given us someone more qualified to be president.

Instead, they gave us personality-devoid, poll-driven, egotistical Kerry.

Why?

Because of his service. They felt that was what they needed to defeat George W. Bush. Few on the Democrat side like Kerry--they just felt his record made him more likely to beat Bush.

And that's what this campaign is about. It's really a referendum on whether you like Bush. Either you'll vote for Bush or you'll vote against.

More people will vote against Bush than will vote for Bush, just as more people root against BYU than root for Utah.

The last time we elected a president because we were voting against the president-in-office, we caught Jimmy Carter, the most bumbling president of the the last half of the 20th century--and, arguably, the worst president in American History.

The difference between Carter and Kerry? Carter was a nice guy.

Let's not make the mistake in 2004 that we made in 1976. Let's not elect an unqualified Democrat who is incapable of addressing the nation's problems.

TV: The Top 5 Shows on TV right now.

These are the five shows I look forward to seeing each week.

1. Monk

Tony Shalhoub is amazing as the title character in this USA Network detective show. Shalhoub plays Adrian Monk, an obsessive-compulsive homicide detective, who gets called in to solve bizarre crimes. This show is so clever that it is never predictable. The only thing that is predictable is that one of Monk's eccentricities will somehow lead him to solve the crime.

2. According To Jim

This is the best sitcom on TV right now. This show focuses on the self-centric Jim and his relationships with his family, particularly between he and his wife. Watch the show once, and you'll be hooked.

3. The West Wing

"The Left Wing" may be a drama, but it's really an insider's look at the life of the president's staff, as they deal with the whirlwind of problems that confront the White House each day. Extremely well-written and beautifully acted out, the West Wing is a television masterpiece.

4. The Simpsons

The Simpsons falls to four on the current list, only because it's frequent availability in reruns kills the desire to see the new shows in their Sunday time slot. Still, the Simpsons remain one of the funniest offerings on TV.

5. Airline

My favorite reality show follows Southwest Airline employees as they deal with customers and their problems. Most problems customers encounter put them at a great inconvenience, so they are usually quite intense and adamant in expressing their displeasure in the employees. In return, you see the employees work hard under pressure to find a solution.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

RELIGION: Sacrament Talk: May 30, 2004: Remembering Our Soldiers and Savior

There are two kinds of blessings: those we recognize and those we don’t really think about. For example, we’re all keenly aware of what a blessing it is to have food on our table because (1) we always say so in the blessing on the food, (2) we’re hungry and (3) we are often reminded how others in far-off lands struggle to find substance. But when it comes to our hidden blessings, we have hundreds, if not thousands, of daily, unnoticed blessings.

Of these, I wish to bring to your attention and increase your appreciation for just one, and that is the right that you are practicing at this very moment—the right to worship God to the dictates of your own conscience. It may not seem like much to us, as it is as constant to us as breathing. However, 500 years ago, this little-thought-of right was thought to be improbable. The people of that day had once choice for worship: the King’s God. Should king be overthrown, they’d then move on to worshiping the Conqueror’s God. But in the years between then and now, men have struggled, fought and died to obtain this right. The Pilgrims come to mind, crowding into the Mayflower and sailing off to an unknown land, just so they could practice their religion. They and others like them were the “huddled masses yearning to be free.” And so the Pilgrims and many others came to America to seek that religious freedom.

Eventually, however, the Colonists’ hopes for complete freedom were being threatened by a tyrant king. And that is when they took the bold step to dissolve themselves from British rule, sending a letter, called the Declaration of Independence, to King George III. On the eve of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, one of the signers-to-be and a future president, John Adams, predicted that the day of the signing, July 4, would be “celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of the deliverance by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forevermore.” Adams’ vision for the Fourth of July is exactly what happened, as that day has been a day of parades, celebrations and noisy fireworks that bring to the celebrators the kind of excitement that freedom brought to the original 13 states.

Yet, there is another holiday, which we commemorate tomorrow, from which the pomp and circumstance of the Fourth is absent. Instead of fireworks, we’ll see flags and flowers. Instead of bands marching in parades, we see people trudging with sober hearts to the graves of their loved ones. Yet do not let the dearth of the fun delude you into thinking that this holiday is somehow less important. For while Memorial Day has evolved into a day to remember all of our dead, it was and for the most part still is a day for us to remember the fallen soldiers of our nation—those who have won the freedom we so richly enjoy today. This year’s commemoration is even more special, as at this moment, our nation’s soldiers continue the fight in the Middle East, and also because Saturday is the 60th anniversary of D-Day, one of the most ferocious battles in the history of mankind.

So while the Fourth may celebrate the end—freedom—Memorial Day commemorates the means—the inspiring sacrifice of soldiers.

The Declaration of Independence ended with this great sentence: “And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our Sacred Honor.” And truly, they were pledging those very things, for in signing the Declaration, they had committed high treason against the crown of Great Britain, which was, at the time, home of the world’s most powerful army. In the world’s view, they had just done an idiotic thing—they would certainly die a traitor’s death, losing not just their lives but their good reputations. So in signing, they were truly saying, “Give me liberty or give me death.” Yet the signing and sending the letter did not make them free. It no more made them free than declaring myself eligible for the NBA draft would make me an NBA player. I do not wish to disparage the signer’s contributions, for theirs was a truly heroic act. All I’m saying is that after signing it, there was still work to be done and a price to be paid before liberty was to come to the United States.

Freedom is not truly free, for it has come at quite a cost; that price has been paid by American soldiers on battlefields from Valley Forge to Baghdad.

And it was against great odds, that the soldiers and minutemen of the Revolutionary War fought the British. Yet while they may have been fighting the world’s greatest Army, the Americans had a secret weapon that the prophet Nephi, writing 2300 years before that war, saw and recorded:

“And I, Nephi, beheld that the Gentiles who had gone forth out of captivity did humble themselves before the Lord, and the power of the Lord was with them.

“And I beheld that their mother Gentiles were gathered upon the waters, and upon the land also, to battle against them.

“And I beheld that the power of God was with them, and also that the wrath was upon all those that were gathered together against them to battle.”

“And I, Nephi, beheld that the Gentiles that had gone out of captivity were delivered by the power of God out of the hands of all nations.” (1 Nephi 13:16-19)

With God’s help, this nation prevailed, although victory didn’t come until 1783—seven years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence. In that war, though, thousands of Americans, seeking freedom, lost their lives. Their blood stained battlefields all along the Atlantic Coast. They were the ones who paid the terrible price for our freedom.

Since that war, America has fought many others, including the epoch World Wars and, more recently, the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. The loss of life in these wars is staggering. We can count our dead, but we cannot count the quality of lives lost. We’ve probably all seen movies depicting those awful moments in World War II, when a delivery boy comes to the home of a soldier’s father, mother or wife with the telegram informing them that their boy has been killed in battle. We can all imagine what a terrible telegram that must be to receive. More recently, the families of over 800 soldiers serving in Iraq have been notified in the last year and a half that their son or daughter’s life has ended. I doubt that I or any man can create words that could adequately portray a tenth of the heartbreak those families will feel this Memorial Day. We cannot forget that these are young people, our age, fighting for their nation, fighting for us, our way of life, who have paid the ultimate sacrifice. Nor can we forget the difficulties of war. While many stories exist, I wish to quote you only one:

READ THE McCAIN STORY (Freeman 150-151) [This was a story in which Senator McCain relates the story about one of his fellow POWS, who sewed an American flag on the inside of his shirt from red, white and blue threads he found laying on the ground. Each day, he would remove this shirt, and hang up the flag, so he, McCain and the other POWs could say the Pledge of Allegiance. McCain said this was tremendously meaningful moment of each day. Eventually, the guards discovered this man's shirt, confiscated him, and beat him mercilessly. But that night, McCain woke up to notice this same man sewing another flag into his shirt.]

It’s my belief that most of these soldiers are of high character—and had they lived, they would have created better communities and a better nation. Upon pondering these things, one may be tempted to think what the world would have been like had there never been any Hitlers, Husseins or bin Ladens, and, instead, we had these people walking among us, creating a better nation with us. And yet, at the same time, we must consider—seriously consider—what the world would have been like had there been no one willing to stand up to King George III and the other tyrants our nation has fought since.

Anyone who carefully reflects on what the world would have been like absent these brave soldiers can only come to one conclusion—thank goodness these soldiers were there. These are the people who have won and defended not just our freedom, but in defense of our freedom, they have freed many other nations from a tyrants’ reign. The sacrifices of the soldiers of the Revolutionary War won the freedom of these United States. And how remarkable it was that the leaders of this new nation did not seek to become tyrants themselves. They chose not a crown a king to rule over all the people—instead, they chose crown all people kings; to be rulers over themselves. Among the rights that the citizens of this nation enjoy is the aforementioned freedom of religion.

The Lord, whose hand was in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, inspired these founders to establish this right, in part, so that he might restore his gospel again to the Earth. It was 33 years after the signing of the Constitution that He and His Son appeared to Joseph Smith in New York, beginning again God’s revelations to His Servants, the prophets. Nine years later, God’s priesthood was restored to the Earth. The next year, His Church was restored. True, the early Saints’ right to freedom of religion was often trampled on, but the right of worship found in the First Amendment was enough to allow this “marvelous work and a wonder” to bud. Today, we do not meet fear governmental retribution for our religious practices. Today, we all arrived at church incident-free. No one harassed us. We didn’t need to take a circuitous route, a secret entrance or passwords. We just parked our car and walked in. Today, we practiced our right to worship, and we did so worry-free.

So how grateful we are for this blessing and for those soldiers who died to give it to us.

And as we reflect this Memorial Day on their sacrifice, we might do well to ask, what can I do to repay them for the sacrifice they made for me? Might I suggest that the best way to remember them is to live your life well, keep the commandments and make America a better place. As one World War II veteran put it: “Those of us who lived have to represent those who didn’t.” In knowing the price for which our freedom was paid, we cannot be indifferent to the bettering of our communities and the bettering of our nation.

And the major part of that is to keep the commandments, which may seem an odd request. But when examined, we find that it is not. First of all, in making people kings over themselves, this government, with its Constitution, infused a system that inherently requires a moral people. This notion was not lost on our Founders. As John Adams once wrote: “Statesmen … may plan and speculate for Liberty, but it is Religion and Morality alone, which can establish the Principles upon which Freedom can securely stand. … The only foundation of a free Constitution is pure Virtue, and if this cannot be inspired into our People; in a greater Measure, than they have it now, They may change their Rulers, and the forms of Government, but they will not obtain a lasting Liberty—They will only exchange Tyrants and Tyrannies.” James Madison, the Father of the Constitution, echoed Adams’ sentiment in writing that “We have staked the whole future of American civilization not upon the power of government—far from it. We have staked the future of all our political institutions upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God.” And, certainly, any careful reading of the scriptures, particularly the Book of Mormon, certainly shows that nations rise and fall according to their ability to keep God’s commands.

And in consideration of our need to better America, may I suggest three things: (1) serve others, (2) expect the best of ourselves and (3) to get involved in the political process. First, in the idea of serving, I would like to quote from President George W. Bush’s 2002 State of the Union Address, when he said: “In the sacrifice of soldiers, the fierce brotherhood of firefighters, and the bravery and generosity of ordinary citizens, we have glimpsed what a new culture of responsibility could look like. We want to be a nation that serves goals larger than self. We've been offered a unique opportunity, and we must not let this moment pass. My call tonight is for every American to commit at least two years -- 4,000 hours over the rest of your lifetime -- to the service of your neighbors and your nation.” Second, we must expect and demand the best of ourselves. To illustrate this, I wish to read a poem by Charles Osgood:

READ POEM (Freeman, p. 62-63). [This poem drives home the point that we can't settle to be good enough when our goal as a country is to be great]

It must be kept in mind that God established this nation to be great; and, in placing you in this nation, he expects to be great, and in including you in His Church, He expects you to be the best. Pretty good and mediocre are not acceptable for Latter-day Saints or Americans.

Third, is the need to get involved in the political process. In order for this nation to remain great, it needs great people at its helm. As citizens of this country, we have a responsibility to ensure its leaders are just that. As such, the idea of political ignorance can have no hold in our hearts. We must honestly and exhaustively search the issues, especially this year, as it is our opportunity to elect a president, a governor, a United States Senator, and a United States Congressman. Now is the time to familiarize yourself with the candidates and make a thoughtful, prayerful decision for whom you will vote and support. It is also important to not just know the issues, but read and often re-read the Declaration of Independence, and, more importantly, the Constitution. Let me illustrate with a small example: I always get a little annoyed when someone tells me that “separation of church and state” is in the Constitution because it’s not. “Separation of church and state” is a judicial ruling. I think too many people are informed of the Constitution’s contents by hearsay and media reports than an actual reading. For Latter-day Saints who believe in the divine origins of the Constitution, ignorance to its contents is simply unacceptable.

Also, it is important that we do more than vote, but that we take an active role in politics, particularly in races or issues in which this nation’s security and morality are at stake. We can do this in any number of ways, from attending caucus meetings, to volunteering for a campaign to running for office. Again, it is the inherent faith placed in the people by the Constitution that makes this nation work. Such was the case in Nephite times, when in establishing the judges system of government, the Lord told King Mosiah in Mosiah 29:26-27: “Now it is not common that the voice of the people desireth anything contrary to that which is right; but it is common for the lesser part of the people to desire that which is not right … And if the time comes that the voice of the people doth choose inquity, then is the time that the judgments of God will come upon you; yea, then is the time he will visit you with great destruction even as he has hitherto visited this land.” We can see from the Nephite civilization how they followed God and were blessed, and how they didn’t follow God and were destroyed. And we can see how often times righteousness and wickedness correlated with whether the man leading that nation was righteous or wicked. And so we can learn from them, and not meet their fate, by getting involved in the political process and choosing capable, righteous leaders.

Finally, while certainly our hearts burst with gratitude for the soldiers who have laid down their lives for this nation, we must also be reminded of an Even Greater Sacrifice, the one made by our Savior, Jesus Christ. For as the soldiers fought to liberate us from tyranny, Christ died to liberate us from two foes we could not conquer ourselves: Sin and Death. In the soldier’s sacrifice, we are given freedoms of religion, speech, assembly, privacy, etc. In Christ’s sacrifice, we are given freedom from those things that would destroy us, bind us down and make us eternally miserable. Thanks to the soldiers, I can speak here in Church today. Thanks to Christ, I can speak here in Church today of a brighter day, a greater hope—the hope that one day I can stand before My Maker free of any pollutions on my soul. That I can put behind me my sins of yesteryear, and that I may overcome all things. In Christ, am I truly free. I need not be held bondage to the toll of sin, for He has borne my sorrow, has suffered for me, and has loved me. I hope to be counted as one of His Friends on that Great Day of Judgment.

And in Christ, I know all men, including the soldiers who have bravely given their lives for this nation, will be made alive, and so I know that their ending on a battlefield was really just a beginning. And this I say in the name of the Jesus Christ. Amen.

SPORTS: Season outlook for BYU football

This is the game-by-game prediction of how BYU's 2004 campaign will go. Needless to say, my expectations are much more reserved this year than they have the past two seasons, when I predicted the Cougars to go 12-0 in 2002 and 10-2 in 2003. That's a combined 22-2; the Cougars, however, let me down, going 9-13 instead, and sapping out the warm feelings I had for the Cougars. So optimism is low, but you might not believe it when you see my first two picks.

Game 1: vs. Notre Dame, Sept. 4

The Cougars have several things going for them in this game: one, it's at home; two, it's the season opener; and three, Notre Dame ain't what it used to be. All of Crowton's seasons, even the lean years, have started impressively with big wins at home. In 2001, it was a 70-35 stomping of Tulane that set the tone for that season. A year later, Syracuse came to Provo and got spanked 42-21. Things were a bit more subdued in last year's opener, but the Cougars did get a nice 24-13 win over a name team, Georgia Tech; BYU's only home win of the season and, sadly, one of its highest point tallies of 2003. The season went South soon after that, but all that tells you is why the Cougars may not finish strong, they start strong. I like for the same thing in the 2004 opener.

PREDICTION: BYU 26, Notre Dame 21

Game #2: at Stanford, Sept. 11

This is a clash of two once-proud programs in the midst of a disappointing stretch. BYU gave this one away at home last season, but they have more than the Cardinal do, and the Cougs will walk away with a win.

PREDICTION: BYU 28, Stanford 10

Game #3: vs. USC, Sept. 18

The Cougars will have momentum coming into a home contest against the team's top-ranked team. Sound familiar? Where are you, Ty Detmer? No heroics this time, as the No. 1 team comes out of Provo with a win.

PREDICTION: USC 42, BYU 10

Game #4: at Boise State, Sept. 24

Yeah, yeah, they lost Dinwiddie, but Boise State clearly has a strong program in place, and the Broncos will have enough to defeat The Deepest Shade of Royal Blue on the Smurf Turf.

PREDICTION: Boise State 37, BYU 21

Game #5: at Colorado State, Oct. 2

The Rams embarrassed BYU last year in the Homecoming Game. This year, the loss won't be as bad, but CSU, even in the post-Van Pelt ERA, is going to be a tough match in Fort Collins.

PREDICTION: Colorado State 31, BYU 17

Game #6: vs. UNLV, Oct. 8

After three straight losses, the grumbling will start in Provo. It's good thing BYU has UNLV and Wyoming in back-to-back games at home to get back on track.

PREDICTION: BYU 24, UNLV 14

Game #7: vs. Wyoming, Oct. 16

Joe Glenn is the most annoying coach in the Mtn. West, but he is steering the Cowboys back on track to respectability ... at this rate, they'll be respectable in 2135.

PREDICTION: BYU 42, Wyoming 13

Game #8: at Air Force, Oct. 23

The Falcons have had BYU's number in recent years. The 52-9 drubbing two years ago will not be forgotten anytime soon. But Chance Harridge is gone, and Air Force is starting a freshman in his place. Not a recipe for success. The Cougars could get a surprise road win here.

PREDICTION: Air Force 27, BYU 24 (OT)

Game #9: vs. San Diego State, Nov. 6

One thing that Crowton has done consistently at BYU is beat the Aztecs all three years. He makes it four in '04.

PREDICTION: BYU 30, San Diego State 20

Game #10: vs. New Mexico, Nov. 13

The Lobos' defense will ensure this will be a yawner, but the New Mexico offense isn't going to provide enough scoring to win. Another 3-and-out game going to BYU.

PREDICTION: BYU 13, New Mexico 9

Game #11: at Utah, Nov. 20

I know I should say Utah will win. But I don't fancy a trip to the bishop's office to repent of such a great sin as saying the Utes will beat BYU.

PREDICTION: BYU 21, Utah 10

That leaves BYU at 7-4 and an invite to the Las Vegas Bowl, where they will play and lose to California, 28-19.

The First Post

The first post is the first impression.

Head & Shoulders has brainwashed me into thinking the first impression is the paramount moment in a person's life. In a way, they're right. I wouldn't want to meet my wife while I'm, say, picking my nose.

But in another way, it's pretty shallow of Head & Shoulders to tell us that the seminal instant of that first impression forever determines our relationship with that person. I've had bad first impressions of people--but, in time, I've realize those impressions were wrong, and, many times, I've become good friends with that person, despite the bad first impression I initially had of them.

So Heads & Shoulders is spreading lies ... and shampoo. I suppose they should call it Head Not Attached to Shoulders.

I hope everyone reading this blog for the first time will overlook that initial bad joke and not develop a bad first impression of me.