In the movie “Hoosiers,” there’s a scene where the new coach introduces his team to the townspeople. Rather than focusing on the boys who have worked hard to represent that high school on the court, the townspeople choose to focus on who is not there: their star player who has chosen to sit the year out. The townsfolk let their disappointment be known. It’s then that coach steps to the mike and says, “I would hope you judge us for who we are—not who we are not.”
One of the most effective mists Satan uses is to have us focus on who we are not as well as what we don’t have. When we start doing that we forget just how much progress we really have made—and we tend to discount our qualities and give unbalanced importance and attention to our faults. This can quickly lead to bitterness.
Take Naomi, for instance. She had been blessed with the companionship of one of the most wonderful women of all time. She had been fortunate have a daughter-in-law was completely loyal to her and stuck with her and gave her companionship when Ruth didn’t have to do so. You would think Naomi would have been most grateful. But, at least initially, she was not.
“And [Naomi] said unto them, Call me not Naomi [which means pleasant], call me Mara [which means bitter]: for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me.
“I went out full, and the LORD hath brought me home again empty: why then call ye me Naomi, seeing the LORD hath testified against me, and the Almighty hath afflicted me?” (Ruth 1:20-21).
True, she had lost her husband and her sons. But she hadn’t returned empty.
The Almighty had in fact blessed her to have the companionship of a loving daughter-in-law.
Naomi’s friends later told her that “thy daughter in law, which loveth thee, which is better to thee than seven sons” (Ruth 4:15).
A similar statement was made by Elkanah to his wife, Hannah, when she wept over the fact that she had no sons: “Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?” (1 Samuel 1:8).
In both cases, these women are asked by those who care about them to count their blessings and to not focus on the blessings they don’t have. But it’s so easy to focus on what we don’t have, and that’s why coveting is something that perhaps all of us struggle with.
Said Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: “If left unresisted, we can see how this inclination [to covet] so embellished by the world will ultimately bring a resentful, demeaning view of God and a terribly destructive view of ourselves. Most "thou shalt not" commandments are meant to keep us from hurting others, but I am convinced the commandment not to covet is meant to keep us from hurting ourselves.”
This comes from a General Conference talk Elder Holland gave called “The Other Prodigal,” which I think is one of the best talks I ever heard, so I want to read a lengthy portion of it to you:
“Among the most memorable parables the Savior ever told is the story of a foolish younger brother who went to his father, asked for his portion of the estate, and left home to squander his inheritance, the scripture says, in "riotous living."1 His money and his friends disappeared sooner than he thought possible—they always do—and a day of terrible reckoning came thereafter—it always does. In the downward course of all this he became a keeper of pigs, one so hungry, so stripped of sustenance and dignity that he "would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat." But even that consolation was not available to him.
“Then the scripture says encouragingly, "He came to himself." He determined to find his way home, hoping to be accepted at least as a servant in his father's household. The tender image of this boy's anxious, faithful father running to meet him and showering him with kisses is one of the most moving and compassionate scenes in all of holy writ. It tells every child of God, wayward or otherwise, how much God wants us back in the protection of His arms.
“But being caught up in this younger son's story, we can miss, if we are not careful, the account of an elder son, for the opening line of the Savior's account reads, "A certain man had two sons"—and He might have added, "both of whom were lost and both of whom needed to come home."
“The younger son has returned, a robe has been placed on his shoulders and a ring on his finger, when the older son comes on the scene. He has been dutifully, loyally working in the field, and now he is returning. The language of parallel journeys home, though from very different locations, is central to this story.
“As he approaches the house, he hears the sounds of music and laughter.
“And he called one of the servants [note that he has servants] and asked what these things meant.
“And [the servant] said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound.
“And [the older brother] was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him."
“You know the conversation they then had. Surely, for this father, the pain over a wayward child who had run from home and wallowed with swine is now compounded with the realization that this older, wiser brother, the younger boy's childhood hero as older brothers always are, is angry that his brother has come home.
“No, I correct myself. This son is not so much angry that the other has come home as he is angry that his parents are so happy about it. Feeling unappreciated and perhaps more than a little self-pity, this dutiful son—and he is wonderfully dutiful—forgets for a moment that he has never had to know filth or despair, fear or self-loathing. He forgets for a moment that every calf on the ranch is already his and so are all the robes in the closet and every ring in the drawer. He forgets for a moment that his faithfulness has been and always will be rewarded.
“No, he who has virtually everything, and who has in his hardworking, wonderful way earned it, lacks the one thing that might make him the complete man of the Lord he nearly is. He has yet to come to the compassion and mercy, the charitable breadth of vision to see that this is not a rival returning. It is his brother. As his father pled with him to see, it is one who was dead and now is alive. It is one who was lost and now is found.
“Certainly this younger brother had been a prisoner—a prisoner of sin, stupidity, and a pigsty. But the older brother lives in some confinement, too. He has, as yet, been unable to break out of the prison of himself. He is haunted by the green-eyed monster of jealousy. He feels taken for granted by his father and disenfranchised by his brother, when neither is the case. He has fallen victim to a fictional affront. As such he is like Tantalus of Greek mythology—he is up to his chin in water, but he remains thirsty nevertheless. One who has heretofore presumably been very happy with his life and content with his good fortune suddenly feels very unhappy simply because another has had some good fortune as well.
“Who is it that whispers so subtly in our ear that a gift given to another somehow diminishes the blessings we have received? Who makes us feel that if God is smiling on another, then He surely must somehow be frowning on us? You and I both know who does this—it is the father of all lies.”
How does coveting hurt us?
Ø It embitters us.
It’s important that we learn to be grateful for what we have. To quote Sheryl Crow, “It’s not getting what you want; it’s wanting what you’ve got.” It would be easy for me to look at, say, Jeremy Schudde and say he has Casa de Schudde and all I have is Room de Sledgehammer. But to do so, would ignore the many, many blessings God has given me. Perhaps the worst thing we can do is to focus on our wants when we should be focusing on the things of God. After all, we cannot take the cars, the TVs or the X-boxes with us. Our boats won’t be at our funerals. Our things cannot exalt; they cannot comfort us, and they cannot come with us. They are completely useless to us after we leave this mortal earth. To focus exclusively on these things can warp one’s view of what’s important and can lead people into dangerous situations:
Ø It can cause us to do things that hurt ourselves, our loved ones and others.
An instance that began a chain of events that led to great destruction occurred in the Jaredite civilization. It started with a Jaredite prince, Jared, who coveted his father’s throne. Because he coveted it so much, Jared began a Civil War. When the Civil War failed, Jared’s father mercifully spared his son’s life. Rather than being grateful for the kindness and forgiveness shown him, “Jared became exceedingly sorrowful because of the loss of the kingdom, for he had set his heart upon the kingdom and upon the glory of the world” (Ether 8:7). Notice how embittered by his coveting Jared become—and you won’t believe the terrible things that come because he was embittered.
Now, Jared was fortunate because he had a daughter who loved him. And when she saw him so saddened by his loss, her heart went out to him. And she tried to find a way to solve the problem—except she came up with a very foolish plan. Having read in the Jaredite record about secret oaths, she devised a plan.
This was her plan, as found in Ether 8:10: “And now, therefore, let my father send for Akish, the son of Kimnor; and behold, I am fair, and I will dance before him, and I will please him, that he will desire me to wife; wherefore if he shall desire of thee that ye shall give unto him me to wife, then shall ye say: I will give her if ye will bring unto me the head of my father, the king.”
In other words her plan was this: She would dance before an evil man named Akish—perhaps the most evil man around—for the purposes of making him lust after her—or in other words, covet her. And she knew that she could dance seductively enough that he would desire her enough to kill for her. And once he did, she would marry him.
Now, I want you happen in most cases if daughter came to a father and said, “I want to dance seductively in front of this evil guy who kill—literally kill—to have me. But don’t worry, I won’t marry him until he does murder grandpa!” Now, I’ll bet that none father would let this guy get within a restraining order of his duaughter. I guarantee no rational father who loves his daughter would consent to such a plan.
Yet Jared does. He is so consumed by his coveting that he will allow his daughter to dance in front of and marry a guy who is a monster in every sense of the word. He loved the position more than he loved her. In fact, it’s can safely be said that Jared had so focused himself on coveting that he had lost the ability to love—he had already waged war against his father, and now he was sending his daughter into a terrible situation.
So the plan goes through, and Akish begins making preparations to kill the king, so he can marry Jared’s daughter. But the king is warned in a dream of the plot and flees. Jared takes the throne by default, and Akish marries his daughter. But Jared’s not on his throne long before Akish begins to covet the kingdom. So Akish killed Jared and got the kingdom. But Akish continued to covet, and it consumed him like it had Jared. And Akish began to be jealous of his son; I don’t know what Akish’s son had, but whatever it was, Akish coveted it. So much so that he locked his son away in a prison and starved him to death. So Akish killed his father-in-law and son because of his coveting. Eventually, his other sons began to covet the kingdom, and they were able to raise an army because “the people of Akish were desirous for gain, even as Akish was desirous for power; wherefore, the sons of Akish did offer them money, by which means they drew away the more part of the people after them.
“And there began to be a war between the sons of Akish and Akish, which lasted for the space of many years, yea, unto the destruction of nearly all the people of the kingdom, yea, even all, save it were thirty souls, and they who fled with the house of Omer [Jared’s father, the king who had fled]” (Ether 9:11-12).
So coveting pretty much destroyed a nation. Jared, for his coveting, lost his life and allowed his daughter to be married to a monster who murdered his son. Akish, for his coveting, murdered family members and eventually lost his kingdom and his life.
Now, your coveting will not produce such dramatic results, but it will harm you, and it will leave you unsatisfied. And it is even dangerous enough that it may cause you to harm those you love.
Ø It can cause to forget what God has done for us.
Consider what Nephi told the Nephites:
“O, how could you have forgotten your God in the very day that he has delivered you?
“But behold, it is to get again, to be praised of men, yea, and that ye might get gold and silver. And ye have set your hearts upon the riches and the vain things of this world, for the which ye do murder, and plunder, and steal, and bear false witness against your neighbor, and do all manner of iniquity” (Helaman 7:20-21)
Here were a people who had been saved by God’s grace. Their civilization had almost been overrun by enemies. But the missionary work of Nephi and Lehi saved their nation. Rather than living a life of gratitude, they begin to live to get gain and praise. They didn’t set their hearts on God because they forgot about Him—even though He had only just recently spared each and every one of their lives.
Ø It gives us an attitude to compete with—rather than—help our fellow man.
Look at what happened in the Nephite nation:
When all things were equal: READ 3 Nephi 6:5
"And now there was nothing in all the land to hinder the people from prospering continually, except they should fall into transgression."
When they started to compete with each other: READ 3 Nephi 6:10-12
"But it came to pass in the *twenty and ninth year there began to be some disputings among the people; and some were lifted up unto pride and boastings because of their exceedingly great riches, yea, even unto great persecutions;
"For there were many merchants in the land, and also many lawyers, and many officers.
"And the people began to be distinguished by ranks, according to their riches and their chances for learning; yea, some were ignorant because of their poverty, and others did receive great learning because of their riches. "
It should be noted that they went from a state of peace to, four years later, seeing the great destruction that happened on the American continent at the time of Christ's death. The prosperity that could only be disrupted by transgression was disrupted by transgression—and in a terrible way. The circumstances that brought this tragedy upon the Nephite nation started with their decision to covet and create divisions among the people because they placed extra importance on their riches and intelligence.
Ø It makes us ungrateful.
Ø It can make us hateful.
Ø It can make us do illegal acts
The prisons are full of people who have embezzled, swindled, stolen and even killed because they didn’t keep their coveting in check. The allure of money was so much that they committed unthinkable crimes to get what they wanted.
Overcoming Coveting
JEFFREY R. HOLLAND
How can we overcome such a tendency so common in almost everyone? For one thing, we can do as these two sons did and start making our way back to the Father. We should do so with as much haste and humility as we can summon. Along the way we can count our many blessings and we can applaud the accomplishments of others. Best of all, we can serve others, the finest exercise for the heart ever prescribed. But finally these will not be enough. When we are lost, we can "come to ourselves," but we may not always be able to "find ourselves," and, worlds without end, we cannot "save ourselves." Only the Father and His Only Begotten Son can do that. Salvation is in Them only. So we pray that They will help us, that They will "come out" to meet and embrace us and bring us into the feast They have prepared.
They will do this! The scriptures are replete with the promise that God's grace is sufficient. This is one arena where no one has to claw or compete. Nephi declares that the Lord "loveth the [whole] world" and has given salvation freely.
JEFFREY R. HOLLAND
Brothers and sisters, I testify that no one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all. He doesn't measure our talents or our looks; He doesn't measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other. I know that if we will be faithful, there is a perfectly tailored robe of righteousness ready and waiting for everyone, "robes . . . made . . . white in the blood of the Lamb." May we encourage each other in our effort to win that prize
Incline my heart unto thy testimonies, and not to covetousness.
Psalms 119:36
