When David slew Goliath, Saul, the king of the Israelites, was initially thrilled. After all, David had just saved Saul’s kingdom. Saul rewarded David. He put him in charge of some of his armies, and David continued to have success. But whatever good feelings there were Saul and David were about to take a deplorable turn. Those initial good feelings Saul had for David were changed by … of all things … a song.
Let’s imagine things from Saul’s perspective:
When the king and David returned to Israel from battle, the women of Israel gathered to greet them. Saul no doubt enjoyed this. Then they began to sing a song, “Saul hath slain his thousands” (1 King 18:7) … Saul was probably thinking, “Ye-ah, they are recognizing me for the great warrior I am.” And … then … the women sing “and David his ten thousands.” (1 Kings 18:7) And it is on that little song: “Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands” (1 Kings 18:7) that the relationship between Saul and David changes.
We read: “And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom?
“And Saul eyed David from that day and forward” (1 Kings 18:8-9).
What caused Saul to change his perspective on David? David did nothing wrong, yet Saul now envied him. Saul’s envy was a direct result of Saul’s pride. He couldn’t stand to share the spotlight. And Saul began to worry that David’s popularity was undermining Saul’s position as king. The venom of envy and pride flowed quickly through Saul’s veins and sunk deep into his heart. Just one day after the women of Israel sang the song that created such jealousy in Saul’s heart—jealousy began controlling Saul. Saul tried to kill David by throwing a javelin at him. He missed twice. These misses had an effect on Saul, as we read: “And Saul was afraid of David, because the LORD was with him, and was departed from Saul” (1 Kings 18:12). Saul wisely realizes that Lord is with David, and the Lord is not with Saul. What would be a good thing for Saul to do here? Should he either (A) repent and come unto Christ and be reconciled with God so that God is with him, as God is with David, or (B) Should Saul continue to try to kill the innocent David; and, in so doing, allow his pride and envy rule his actions?
Saul chose to keep trying to kill David.
In his famous talk on pride, President Ezra Taft Benson gives Saul a dubious distinction—a mention as one in the scriptures who fell because of his pride. Said President Benson: “Saul became an enemy to David through pride. He was jealous because the crowds of Israelite women were singing that “Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” ( 1 Sam. 18:6–8.).”
President Benson then lists the characteristics of the proud:
“The proud stand more in fear of men’s judgment than of God’s judgment. (See D&C 3:6–7; D&C 30:1–2; D&C 60:2.) “What will men think of me?” weighs heavier than “What will God think of me?”
“Fear of men’s judgment manifests itself in competition for men’s approval. The proud love “the praise of men more than the praise of God.” ( John 12:42–43.)
Well, that description fits Saul. Looking at his history, we see he did fear men’s judgment more than God’s. That problem was shown in the battle against the Amalekites, when Saul didn’t, as the Lord commanded had commanded him, destroy everything the Amalekites had. Instead, Saul, at the request of his soldiers, saved some sheep to sacrifice. Later, Saul told Samuel: “I have sinned: for I have transgressed the commandment of the LORD, and thy words: because I feared the people, and obeyed their voice” (1 Samuel 15:24).
We are now viewing Saul some years later after Saul’s misstep with the Amalekites. Remember President Benson has told us: “Fear of men’s judgment manifests itself in competition for men’s approval.” Here, Saul is still living for the praise of men. There are three things I find interesting about Saul’s jealous attempts to kill David over the lyrics of song.
First, Saul had been praised in that song! The song wasn’t putting him down; it was complimenting him. But what made Saul particularly angrily was this: David received the prominent praise. Ultimately, Saul coveted the praise David had received. Saul took David’s success as a personal affront and believed the praise David received somehow insulted him.
Second, the song didn’t mention—at all—another great Israelite warrior, Jonathan, Saul’s son. Did this depress Jonathan or make him feel jealous of David? No. Should Jonathan have been worried that it might be David, instead of Jonathan, who would day be the king of the Israelites? It doesn’t appear that he was. Instead of focusing on power and glory, Jonathan was first concerned with the well-being of his friend. In fact, Jonathan was David’s best friend. We are told: “the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Kings 18:1).
Finally, Saul’s pride caused him to turn a friend into a foe. David was his loyal subject, not his enemy. But so great was Saul’s pride that he mistook David as a rival. What Saul is displaying here is enmity. And, in a story, which focuses on the great friendship and loyalty that existed between David and Jonathan, it is appropriate that the antagonist Saul prevents himself from joining in that brotherhood because of his pride and the enmity he feels toward David. President Benson said, “The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us. Pride is essentially competitive in nature.” To me, enmity describes the act of creating barriers to exalt ourselves above our neighbor. Enmity is the selfish pursuit of positions, possessions and praise that we then use to say, “Look, who I am! Look what I have! I am better than my neighbor.” This attitude is a violation of the second great commandment: “To love thy neighbor as thyself” (Matthew 22:39).
Enmity strikes at brotherhood; it destroys friendships. When friends compete against each other rather than try and help each other, those friends reap only bitterness and dissatisfaction. What a sad think it is, when friends make adversaries of each other.
Said President Benson: “The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C. S. Lewis: “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.)
Said Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: “Who is it that whispers so subtly in our ear that a gift given to another somehow diminishes the blessings we have received? Who makes us feel that if God is smiling on another, then He surely must somehow be frowning on us? You and I both know who does this—it is the father of all lies.” The tendency to feel threatened by another’s success or to covet another’s blessings or talents is a device employed by Satan to make us feel uneasy about ourselves. Likewise, Satan tries to get us to focus on what is wrong in others—attempting to make us feel superior to them. Both tendencies—the tendency to feel dismayed over another’s success and the tendency to feel superior over another’s failures—are born of enmity. Self-exaltation is not in the gospel plan. But it was in the plan of Satan, who sought exalt himself above God. The gospel plan is not for us to race against each other, but to finish with each other. The gospel plan would have us focus on our fellow being’s needs, not his flaws. The gospel plan would have us be others-minded rather than self-focused.
Perhaps the best example in the scriptures of what happens when we begin competing with our neighbor comes from the Zoramites. The Zoramites had split off from a church and founded a new church. The central act of worshiping in this new church was for the wealthy members of the Zoramite city to climb a high tower called the Rameumpton—and note that the climbing of this high tower is representative of the Zoramites’ exalting themselves. And once on top of this Rameumpton, they offered up a proud with a loud voice—the central theme of this prayer was this: We are so much better than those Nephites who believe in Christ! So here they were, standing on the top of this tower of self-exaltation, yelling about how superior they were and how fortunate they were to be separated from their brethren (Alma 31). Later, Alma would tell his Shiblon, one of his companions on this mission: “Do not pray as the Zoramites do, for ye have seen that they pray to be heard of men, and to be praised for their wisdom” (Alma 38:13).
“Yea, and [Alma] also saw that their hearts were lifted up unto great boasting, in their pride” (Alma 31: 25).
Boasting wasn’t the Zoramites’ greatest sin. They had become so obsessed with their pursuit of wealth and praise that they looked down on the poor of their city. The Zoramites cast the poor out of the churches because the wealthy Zoramites were embarrassed that the poor dressed like they were … poor.
To me, the Zoramites represent snobbery. Listen to their types of snobbery and see if we don’t have these problems today: First, they were guilty of fashion snobbery: The unfashionable were not welcome in their society. Second: they were guilty of intellectual snobbery: The Zoramites looked down on those who believed in Christ, and thought the Church members only believed what they did because they were too dumb and too stupid to address religious matters intellectually. Finally, the Zoramites were guilty of class snobbery: Because they had more than the poor, the wealthy Zoramites believed themselves to be superior. Snobbery is enmity. The Zoramites were so busy competing against the poor in their city that they began to resent them and hate them and cast them out—much in the same way Saul treated David.
Certainly, there are all kinds of snobbery, all sorts of reasons why people exalt themselves in their own eyes. President Benson said, "Some prideful people are not so concerned as to whether their wages meet their needs as they are that their wages are more than someone else's." Most people find some reason to feel superior. "I'm better than you because I can bench press a Chevy." "I'm better than you because I'm from Kanab." Or "I'm better than you because I recycle." These are all fine things-to bench press a Chevy or to recycle or to be from Kanab. But the problem comes when we use the traits and blessings we have to build our own Rameumptons, where we can declare our superiority. These Rameumptons become barriers that prevent us from having better friendships.
While on the Rameumpton, we are too caught up in our own lives to be aware of our friends and their needs. If we're too busy breaking an arm to pat ourselves on the back, we won't be sensitive to the times a friend needs an arm put around them.
Of all the things President Benson said in his talk on pride, there’s one sentence I find the most intriguing, “[Pride] is manifest in so many ways, such as … withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous.” Think about that. The proud cannot pass along praise. They cannot pass along gratitude. But they can hold onto grudges. Why? Because if they praise someone or tell someone they are grateful for what that person did for them, that person might feel better about themselves. And if a competitor feels better, then the race is going to be tighter.
The proud are so busy competing that they don’t have time to be loving. But they have time to hold a grudge. They have time to gossip and to insult. These kinds of people are the ones Nephi said take the attitude that says “Dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this” (2 Nephi 28:8). There are so many willing to dig pits for their neighbor. But how many are willing to fill in that pit and smooth out the road in front of their neighbor—removing the rocks and other stumbling blocks that can trip up their neighbor.
What kind of friend do you want? The kind who digs a pit for you, or the kind who blazes a smooth trail for you?
Be the kind of friend you want to have. Obviously, the point here is to remember that we are here to help our fellow being, not to beat them. With that in mind, let’s take a few seconds and honestly answer some questions to ourselves:
Ø Is there someone I need to forgive? If there is, forsake your pride and forgive that person. No one has ever been more mistreated than was our Christ. And yet, on the cross, he prayed for and forgave those who had nailed him to that cross, who had slashed his sides and who spat on him and insulted him. Christ forgave, so can we.
Ø Is there someone I need to praise? If there is, go ahead and tell them why you think they are so great? How un-Christlike is it to withhold from your friends praise they need to hear. Everyone needs to be complimented from time-to-time. Make sure your friends never suffer the indignity of low self-esteem because you were too proud to tell them what is good about them.
Ø Is there someone for whom you are grateful? If there is, call them or e-mail them or write them today and let them know how they’ve impacted your life. When a person does something to help you, there should always be a thank you. Likewise, you should thank your Heavenly Father for what gifts he has given you. You might remember that Christ once healed 10 lepers, but only one returned to thank Him. Christ said, “Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine? There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger” (Luke 17:7-8). Think back to your life. Have you ever prayed for something and had that prayer answered? When it was answered, did you think to thank God for hearing your prayer?
I believe there are three antidotes for pride, and gratitude is the first. Realizing how much God has done for you and much you truly depend on him is humbling. Remembering what God has done for you is the perfect antidote to pride. As you do so, you will come to realize some things: first, you will realize just how loved you are by God; second, you will come to know that you are His child, created in His image; and, finally, the more you come to know Him, the more you will realize how much work you still have to do to become like Him, and you will become so grateful that the Atonement of Jesus Christ makes up the difference.
The second antidote is to serve others. When you begin focusing on others’ needs instead of your own, then you will have no time for pride, and there will be no room for pride in your heart. What makes God so great isn’t all the principalities and powers He has, but the endless, infinite, eternal love He has for His children. God puts His children first—it is His work and his glory to see that they qualify to become like Him, so that he can share His principalities and powers with them. There are many places reserved for His children to share in His kingdom. He is not seeking to compete with his children; rather, he is trying to build them. He is inclusive, not exclusionary. We should do the same and think of others before we think of ourselves.
Finally, the third antidote is love. To first love yourself enough that you recognize the good there is in you and you don’t feel insecure over the struggles you have. And also to love yourself enough to base your self-esteem not on your positions or your possessions, but who you are, as a child of God. And also to love others because they are children of God—and to do what you can to help make their journey in life a little easier by brightening their path. This was the kind of friend Jonathan was. And that is why: “the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Kings 18:1). If you’re that type of friend to your friends, whether you have a few or many, the friends you do will love you; their hearts will be knit with yours—and you will be blessed with one of the best things you can have in this life: A true friend.
