Wolf Blitzer bugs me. Absolutely bugs me.
It starts with his name. When you hear the name "Wolf Blitzer," you think of a mean, nasty linebacker the one who jams nerds into lockers and sits around eating raw meat and flosses with butterfly knives.
But when you see the real Wolf Blitzer, you see someone who looks like the nerd being stuffed into the locker. You see someone who's like a vegetarian because his stomach isn't strong enough to digest meat.
If you're named Wolf Blitzer, you're supposed to be tough. Instead, he's an ant, and about the size of one too.
No one is scared of Wolf Blitzer. He looks like a garden gnome. And, for all intents and purposes, he is a garden gnome. Just someone to sit there in the front yard of the CNN Studio, reading other people's copy while never changing his facial expression.
He is the eighth dwarf: Boring.
Bashful is ashamed to be related to him. Seeing his brother on TV, Bashful turns red immediately. When Snow White sees Wolf Blitzer, she pretends not to know him.
And when I see Wolf Blitzer on TV, I surf right on by
